What Am I Thinking?

Good evening. Good Day, good..... well, whatever the hell you have going on and when you read this. Honestly I jumped in here because my other half commented that some of her friends were upset I had not blogged in a while, and she was having issues setting her Blogger account up. While I am here I figured I would share the insanity that has been my life away from this blog.

First of all, what in the Great Gonzo is up with Sesame Street in the search standings? My blog has a fair number of page-views, especially since I have not written in months, but a LARGE portion, almost half of my total views, is a single blog devoted to the combat prowess of Bert and Ernie. Look at the image to the right - almost a thousand views, in a blog without an update in months? There are some sick people out there - or wait, maybe they are paranoid as well! Finally, some company! Of course we may need to discuss their choice of defensible locations - anyone who believes Sesame Street is really the place to be in a zombie apocalypse needs to be voted off the island before they eat the berries.

Secondly, I am running for a political office. Yes, my name will be on a ballot, and people will hopefully choose me over an opponent that I can honestly say is nothing less than crazy. Chances are I will lose, given how "red" my home state is, but I intend to give one hell of a fight to my opponents. That in itself may be enough to put everyone else on the defensive - the finally will have to face an opponent who will stand up to them.

Lastly, I need to speak about an event I going to at the end of the month. I am going to my first "Con". No, I will not have a table for my book, "Empires Awakening" but maybe one day. I am just going as an average person trying to enjoy myself while thousands of virgins - I mean nerds, sorry - mingle about with people and ogle girls paid just above minimum wage to wear almost nothing so said virg-*cough* nerds buy comics. The "What am I thinking?" comes into play when I think about the zombie walk and dress up contest that is supposed to occur during this convention. It is very possible that there may be some accidents if an unnamed person, with a well known incredible fear of the undead finds himself in a troubling situation.

That being said, I am tagging this post as I did the Sesame street one - I can't turn down a rival post to help get some more views on this blog. Maybe I will even update this more. Who knows?

Zombies of the New Year

One the thing I think about when I am out in the world – especially in crowds, is how easily the location turns into a ZBA (Zombie Buffet Area for those of you who are newer readers). These zones are veritable deathtraps for the living. It is already dangerous if there is a crowd – but you know I am digressing so let’s create some context.

 

Put in your mind, an image of Times Square – you know where that big party is held for a crystal ball to fall is located signifying the end of the year and the start of the next one. I have grown less excited for New Years as I have gotten older. I can’t even recall if I stayed up until midnight last year. Maybe it is my concern that being at an event, like the Times Square New Year’s party, is a very uncomfortable situation. How could you even tell a Zombie was coming until it was right on top of you? You wouldn’t hear the shuffling steps, the scraping of old shoes or bone on pavement. You would be happily bounding around watching the lights and confetti and listening to music until the very moment you were pounced on.

 

Now with that lovely image in your mind – you can imagine that would be only for people on the outskirts of the crowd. People on the inside would only get to experience the joy of being trampled as they began to run in a panic. Chances are they would not even know they were running as a simple basic animal programming code would kick in in the brain. (This is why herds of animals and schools of fish move as a group – If you friends are scared and running away chances are you should as well). It saves processing time in the mind to just go with the running crowd. Of course once you start running you may wonder why.

 

Once everyone realizes something is up – and it involves flesh eating SOB’s with hygiene issues – everyone immediately runs to their loved ones – including the punks who got infected somehow. Now I love my family – but in ANY situation involving a highly contagious biological agent they are well aware I am putting quarantine protocols in place. Be it mega-flu, zombie-ism or anything else, there will be no running into open arms. This does not mean I love my family any less – it just means I want as many of us to survive as possible.

 

So yes – New Year’s not so exciting for me, it just leads to some ever more exciting fear incidents.

Hospitals in the Apocalypse

I had a family emergency yesterday and spent some time in the emergency room. Once the emergency was settled and everyone was waiting to be released, I was left with the zombie thoughts that invade my mind once I calm down. This thought process lead me to think of how I could defend a hospital from a zombie attack.

Quite frankly - a hospital is a flipping crap-shoot when it comes time for an apocalypse (yes my actual thoughts on this are even more expletive filled). Part of my inspiration comes from theoatmeal.com and its detailed documentary on the dangers (and stupidity) of a zombie apocalypse. Hospitals really have no reason to be considered a safe haven - especially once a bunch of flesh eating bastards are on the loose. Even worse if they start in the building. There are literally five different ways to access every section of the hospital, and the place is a maze. The damn labyrinth of Greek myth is easier to navigate than a hospital.

That is not even getting into the idea of barricading the main doors - that just wont be a viable option given the number of doors and walkways you are dealing with. It is little wonder that a single infected doofus can infect hundreds that then go out and infect the world - and you know the rest of the story.

Maybe that is why sesame street doesn't have a hospital - and I don't recall there being any strange winding hallways that lead back onto themselves. In fact sesame street can be secured with few barricades at all - if you take the maps located here. This only reinforces the idea that Sesame Street is a safe place to be in a zombie apocalypse.