Terminal Defense Position: Pertek Castle

I do my best to keep track of what is going on in the world - its very important to understand our world and the events shaping it. I feel this is doubly important when someone is trying to write a story that includes global level events. If you don't understand the impact of that crop failure on a nation thousands of miles away your world begins to fray. You can't have an army destroy every food source available in its march to conquer the world without SOMEONE going hungry. Food comes and goes somewhere so you need to understand it.

I was reading up on what the Islamic State was doing in attacking a city near the Syrian border with Turkey and I discovered a very fascinating location for a Terminal Defense Position. Following the river just west of the city of Kobane, I followed the river into the mountains of Turkey. Once there I noticed an island with an old fortress on it. The fortress of Pertek.

Given its location, the island probably has more history hidden on it than any writer would dream of making up. Sitting smack in the mountains of Eurasia this sort of place is a wonder unto itself.

Limited Approach:
This is an island located in a lake surrounded by mountains. Can't argue against deep water with steep cliff approaches as benefits. However - in a global wipe out of humanity by zombies being in the connecting land between most major population centers of the planet might be a big downer.

Length of Stay Before Resupply:
Across the lake is ample farmland. If you prepare for it and bring solar panels it is on a similar parallel to my current one making solar electricity very viable. These two supply items would make the stay work quite well.

Supplies:
Farms will work decently for a long while, and being a freshwater lake it is likely to have some decent fishing. However mineral and technical resources are limited in the area - and it won't be an easy trek out of the mountain country to replace things.

This place is a defensible spot with food sources nearby. There is ample sunlight and fresh water would be readily available - as long as no contamination comes from upriver. I think this local with its food nearby makes a solid place to hang out in the apocalypse of undead.

Also - do a Google image search for this area. It is absolutely beautiful. All the good pictures I felt were copyrighted and I didn't want to deal with that issue today.

Waking up to the Undead

I had another Zombie filled night. It was by far not the worst one - I have seen things in the past that have both frightened me and driven me to tears. Last night was just hour after hour of gnawing fear.

I would like to thank those that appeared in my dream, for not dying. Last thing I like to have to deal with is people I care about turning into zombies. Jeff Johnson - though you might mock me in real life about my fear of zombies you were supportive and helped prepare against them. Though after putting a hatchet in your shin as a kid, and a titanium rod in your thigh as a teenager - the idea of extended bouts of running from the undead probably would not be very appealing.

I am not sure why, but I was an amusement park. People knew the undead horde was coming, some of them anyways, yet still they played on. The park itself seemed to have themed sections for a southwest "western" prairie with a mountainous area to walk in. There was a bayou area inexplicably next to the Polynesian area. And the winter area seemed nice - but was prone to avalanches that wiped people out.

I can't tell you what type of zombie attacked, or how many were taken out. After they first showed up I just kept waking myself up. Every time I tried closing my eyes to sleep they were there again. Sure - dream about zombies it is just a movie with a play and pause function. Try to dream about being super-powered, winning a major political race or a three- I guess I can stop there. You get the picture.

So, I got around two and a half hours of sleep. I am tired, and I have a wall to patch up today. Trip to a dinosaur show, the Science Museum and grocery shopping. Sounds like I will be pretty tired today.

Terminal Defense Position: Vardo

Been awhile since I covered a Terminal Defense Position, but with the absurdity of the location I found on Google Maps yesterday just calls for one. The islands of Vardoya, or the town of Vardo, Norway.

Limited Approach
I guess this location should be called - "Not much farther North is possible" given its extreme location. This is probably a location that will be reserved for Norwegian and Swedish refugees of the Zombie take over of the world. It is seriously out of consideration for 95% of the global population. This pair of islands are actually just off the East Coast of one of Norway's most northern territories. Aside from a boat in the presumably rough waters of the Artic, the only other option to reach the island is a single tunnel. As far as proximity to humanity goes - this place will probably survive with its population intact. You probably even have some allies that can help you to survive. These people are pretty much all there is for miles (or Kilometers as they would say). That, and the Gulf Current keeps this place relatively mild, considering how far north this location is. In this regard - they score an easy 10/10.

Supplies
This one is a bit tricky. Vardo is beyond the Artic Tree line so you won't be growing any trees for fuel - it also puts building supplies at a premium. A survivor here would have to be careful that they didn't abuse their limited resources. An advantage this location has, is the proximity to the Norwegian Oil and Gas fields. While that means you will want to be careful when you go out exploring - it means that you should have a large supply of fuel to use to stay warm. In addition to the oil and gas fields - this is also a major fishery. If you don't like fish, you will soon learn to appreciate it because that is about all you will have to eat if the globe is overrun by zombies. While this location has some benefits for resources for food and fuel - it is a limited location in other major areas of necessity. 6.5/10

Available Skill Sets

This is a bit more limited than other locations - since this is not a major city, nor is it relatively close to an area filled with highly skilled labor. What this place does have is survival skills, and a ridiculously stubborn toughness that should probably be incredibly helpful in a fight. For goodness sake these people live above the Artic Tree Line! A "hot" day is in the 50's (F). That being said, while your stay will not be luxurious in any sense - you will survive, and eventually prosper. Hell - they actually have fortifications on the Island which could be useful in a pinch. 7/10

Overall Scored
This location scores well on in areas that determine true survival, but it is a really distant location. While there may not be many ZBA's nearby, anyone wanting to get here to this location could be facing some pretty extensive journeys through what would become "wild" lands with some of the harshest and most beautiful terrain the world has to offer. However, it is at the exact end of a highway that flows through the entire continent of Europe which helps with navigation and travel. Resupply will eventually need to occur for lumber and other supplies, but at least you will have a safe base to retreat to. This location gets a 30/40.

I am Almost Free....

...of trailers for World War Z. Frankly, I cannot be more excited for this movie to be in theaters so I can move on with my movie watching. It is getting more and more annoying trying to watch movies without this playing.

Look, I like movies, and I love movie trailers, but having Zombie jump out at me every time I try to go out and enjoy myself is just, well, frustrating. I am glad that this movie has been made - because what I know of the book is all good - in a literary sense. While the movie speeds up the infection spread incredibly I think that this film may turn out to be pretty good for those who go see it. I will not be seeing it - I frankly don't think I could survive seeing it sober. And to drink to be able to sit through it - well I don't know if there is enough scotch I could sneak into the theater to make that possible.

I know this is all me, and it is my problem. You just have not felt the apprehension and the tension my body experience with a zombie film. I have written about how I couldn't make it through Zombieland - and that is not an exaggeration. my heart raise and blood pressure increased to a point I could feel it in my hands and feet. I was in full-animal-fear-response mode. You can't fake that sort of response. Even as my fiance urges me to confront the fear and see the movie with her I will be unable to do so. I don't think my heart is strong enough to handle two hours of near heart attack level of pressure. If it could - I would probably run a marathon afterwards.

So all of you out there heading out to see the movie - I wish you the best of evenings, but please - leave me out of it so I can enjoy the rest of my movies this summer.

Society is Fragile - Deal with it.

It has been awhile since I wrote so I felt it important to write a significantly disturbing entry. Don't get me wrong, I have studied global maps and found some cool places for humanity to lay low while Zombies march unstoppably across vast continents of people/lunch. I have a number of locations picked out, and I hope to start a weekly series soon outlining these safe(r) havens. If you have a site you would like investigated for its survivability, just message me with the location and the coordinates for a Google Earth search and I will check it out. Lets go ahead and worry about all that later as I start on today's topic - how frail civilization really is.

Civilization exists in a careful and complex balance. Our society is a long line of carefully timed deliveries of raw goods and products that can be broken in a single spot with disastrous consequences for everything else. While this system works well and have some measures to maintain equilibrium - the system as a whole is very delicate. This is a natural tendency of any system geared towards greater complexity that homeostasis is more difficult to maintain. For those of you not familiar with the term - homeostasis is the ability of a system to maintain itself against changes circumstances. For example when it is hot out you sweat to keep cool. All processes have some level of capacity for adjusting to changing circumstances.

Our society though, can fall apart more quickly than other systems that exist if pressure is added in just the right spot. Since my generation loves lists - let's make one with the soft points of society.

1. People: Humans are the very creature that made society - however we are not the only animals on this planet to create functioning societies with different levels of success. There are birds and small mammals that engaged in group activities for safety - Meerkats watch out for predators and warn their group of danger. Some species of bird sound alarms to their brethren to avoid danger. No one can doubt the organic avoidance of predators by flocks of bird or schools of fish as they move around. My favorite society building creature of all, the mighty Ant, is it a stable practice of some species to farm livestock in the form of aphids  or grow their food (a specific type of mold) on the rotting mass they purposely create inside their hive.

Humans are a weak point because we can be confused, we can become diseased, or used against our peers in many different ways. Additionally, we are very apt to throw our peers to the wolves if we think it will save our own hide. We rob each other - even more so to survive in a disaster. Fact is, once something doesn't go a certain way we will stoop to utterly depraved levels of violence to finish the job of destroying society in record time.

2. The Digital Age: You I-Phone or Android device will be the death of us all. Not directly, but your reliance on technology is a very disturbing aspect of a both the help and the danger technology poses. You see, every time we develop a tool or a piece of technology that does a job for us - we take away the need of that knowledge ourselves. This is not a specifically bad process - by centralizing water processing we can clean a lot more water, and free me up to work harder at my job. And maybe not so hard boiling water to avoid dysentery. I have had it - it sucks. The reason that technology is both a help and a bane is that it because we no longer need to do certain tasks - we are losing the ability to do them at all.

Just as a test of this, attempt to recall the five telephone numbers for the first people you would call in an emergency. Don't use your phone, your Facebook, your Google Account, MSN, or anything else. Just from memory. Chances are you see these numbers every day when you call them, text them. Maybe even when you post to their wall online. Recalling phone number in the apocalypse will be a moot point - but the point of  losing skills that were once used every day is. I have great respect for anyone who seeks to maintain a basic skill that technology cannot take away - that person is worth their weight in gold in any disaster because they become more resistant to harmful circumstance. I have some basic wood working skills - I just recently made a gorgeous table. However in an apocalypse I understand enough to build things, to repair wooden structures. I have relatives who are plumbers, electricians, masons - the works. That skill set means that I have less to relearn in case those skills are needed. Tell me: what use is Paris Hilton in a disaster? Not a damn bit of good.

3.  Oil/Fossil Fuels: This is not just a general "fossil fuels bad" comment. In fact Fossil Fuels are incredibly useful - it is why their products have pervaded our lives. Coal is powering large swaths of our country. Oil is responsible for the plastics age. Trouble is that it took a REALLY long time to develop the system that uses oil. Coal is hard to transport without other fossil fuels. Without Oil - Coal will only move slowly and in much smaller quantities to where it would be burned. Without a lot of that coal - there is very little power to make more oil into fuel. Hell, a lot of the easily accessible oil that can be reached without power is now gone. We are now using fossil fuels at a higher rate to get more fossil fuels - I think you start to see the cycle here. Take out a refinery in a hurricane, or an Earthquake and instantly millions of dollars in costs will appear. First the repair of the facility, then the market shortage, more fuels need to be used to get back to the original production point. It just keeps adding up.

At the end of the day what is even worse - These resources are humanly finite. The amount theoretically produced in a human lifespan is so much smaller than what a single person uses, let alone an entire planet. Not mention that these fossil fuels are created from the plant and animals we already paved over with cement - how can more oil or coal be made unless we have swaths of forest and animals being buried to become the coal and oil?

4. The Internet: Humans are social creatures - but we are also animals. We are the dominant animals of the planet because we developed certain tendencies that kept us alive in dangerous situations. However these genetic traits are now also very dangerous because they can be triggered at a much faster rate. Herd animals will stampeded if provided the right circumstances - it is a flight response to danger. Humans are also prone to a fight or flight response - both of which can reach so much further with technology than without. In 1950, if a person was paranoid that someone was watching him and lost his mind as he started to run screaming down the street chances are no one would ever hear about it. Maybe a few people were get scared and run with him or in another direction.  The Internet allows what can be called the Fight or Flight response to be sent out to every corner of the Earth in microsecond. One persons panic can suddenly become the panic of a planet. It is like triggering a stampede across the planet instead of an isolated valley - because of a terror that is still the same size.

Additionally - the Internet is so widely used and manipulated that it is as dangerous as many other elements of our lives. Stocks can plunge on a rumor started by some stranger spouting off in a chat room in Pakistan. Armies can come to blows and riots start because of a fake news report sent out to an email address. Who here can count how many times Morgan Freeman has died this year alone because humans can be sent along delusional paths so easily. Maybe this should be rolled into Humans as well - but it still is important on its own for the havoc it can cause.

Are there more" I can certainly guarantee that there are. Civilization is only as resilient as its subsequent parts - and we are really flimsy at times. One single point of pressure, if pressed at the right moment *cough* Solar Flare *cough* can send everything we know into a tail spin. Don't panic, but be aware that as Atlas stands there with the Earth on his shoulders, that sometimes the strength of one person is all that stands between you and the collapse of civilization. IF that doesn't make you thankful for what we have - I am not sure what else would.

I Hate Diseases

Similar in nature to my Zombie fear, I have a slight paranoia about pandemics. Nowhere near the level of panic I get when Zombies some out to play thankfully. I am not debilitated by the appearance of someone with a cold or flu. However I find it disturbing how dirty people can be, and how easily it really is for large numbers of people to be killed by a tiny little virus.

Maybe this fear has re-surfaced because I watched a BBC documentary on the Bird Flu - not my best way to spend my ultra-early morning but what can I say. Word of advice to anyone I know who travels to southeast Asia - don't eat a damn thing. ever, like anywhere. In fact, bring your own medical masks and oxygen supply. I will suggest an air scrubbing re-breather system used for cave divers. Seeing the images of how they prepare their food makes me want to burn it all to the ground, and as Monk would say, "..and burn the ashes!"

Unlike many of my peers, I am actually planning what I would do to save my family in the event of a killer-super bug being released into the general population. Am I stockpiling weapons and ammo - no. Unlike most people I have other options to defend myself. However it does mean that I do think of what would need to be done, in the event of a disaster, to get my family out of the city and into the safety of the countryside. Bad news is, I live in one of the largest Metropolitan areas in the country (goddamn it!). Good news is that most of the year it is a scorching dry-hot mistress of total merciless proportions, making it tougher for diseases not from around here to survive(yay!) Bad news is (wait more bad news?) most of these super-bugs will come from tropical regions so the heat won't help so much. I guess having a disease outbreak in Greenland is a much better scenario than the tropics.

Anyways, given the capacity for such a deadly outbreak to occur, I have often wondered why more isn't done to prepare for a total quarantine of the country? Why do we not have self-sufficient zones established that will allow for people to limit the spread of the disease? Are we, as a modern people, so worried about offending people, that we can't make the callous decision that in order for the greater good we need to be prepared to draw lines in the sand and protect as many as we can? Because of the nature of disease, its spread will be nearly impossible to stop, so perhaps we just try not to stop it all because the cost for a small chance on a return on that investment is so slim? The rioting alone would cost lives - though why any person would go out in a crowd of people in close proximity to one another when a deadly virus breaks out is beyond me. I am sorry, the moment you tell me that this years flu is killing people - you won't be seeing my ass outside. Screw that. I will email my unhappiness in. I will text and tweet my anger at the "system" doing everything it can to protect as many as possible.

I think at the end of the day, the outbreak of a disease that can kill is just beyond the ability of people to comprehend. The first world has lived so sheltered from the dangers that exist, for so long, we can't actually face the grim reality that we live in the midst of. It falls into a category of problems and concerns that a select few choose to address, that a select few look to the future and know that they work hard to prevent this sort of problem, so most of us can stay happy in our bubbles with our families and friends. While I am thankful that we have people working silently to fight off the darkness that threatens us all, I am aware enough  to understand how much we have to thank them for.

I really Hope Zombies Can't Swim

I really hope Zombies can't swim. Seriously. Do you know how difficult it would be to stop the undead hordes if Zombies could swim? Probably just a shade below impossible, and would seriously restrict locations people could call safe havens. This would of course rely on the fact that aquatic animals would not eat them, or their water logged flesh would soak up water and they would sink into the dark depths of the ocean. There, their decomposed forms would be crushed into a wet mass of undead mush.

As long as a location can be successfully cut off or easily monitored it can remain a safe location. Even if standing water is removed as a barrier, there still remains rushing water, mountains, fire and sheer cliffs. Each of these can create hazards that the undead would be heavily challenged by. I mean, if you could build near one, having a constant flow of magma from a volcano would be a pretty impressive barrier. Granted - being that close to a volcano may not be the best location for long term survival. Volcano's tend to be a tad bit temper-mental in even the best circumstances.

Part of the difficult in preparing a zombie free zone that one can live in comfortably is the basic idea that as Zombies have become more common in media - their myths have changed. Initially zombies only sought out brains - but after a decade or two their palates grew into a general hunger for human flesh. After their hunger changed, then they began to change into more fearsome beasts. Now they can run, climb and turn into relatively powerful monkey-like creatures to terrify humanity. I have to assume these myths changed because of the American culture itself. How could a zombification disease spread in a country that has more than one gun for every single man, woman and child within its borders? Making Zombies more powerful makes that possible.

However this expansion of the genre has its drawbacks. The original zombie idea was an embodiment of a slow progressing rot, a slow death through overwhelming odds. The fear of the slow inevitable end of your life as you are faced with your mortality from those that are already passed on. That is an incredibly different fear than "Holy crap that rage-beast is going to try and gnaw my limbs off".

One theory on the development of Fears is that for some people they are manifestations of other incremental problems in their life. these fears are the way that the mind takes a single object or theme and puts all those different pieces into a single larger one. While this doesn't work for all cases, with some analysis of what a fear entails a person can reasonably figure out why someone is afraid of something.

I am aware enough of my fear, and who I am as a person to understand a large portion of my fear of zombies, and how it is different from other fears. I can see the path my mind followed to create the fear, and why at this point in my life, this manifestations of my fear is so powerful for me. It warrants a close inspection from anyone with any level of fear, as to why and how that fear came to be a part of you. Like it or not, that fear probably has a good reason to be there.

Science of Zombies

Son of a B-. No, I won't swear at that level in the blog, but I sure as hell did say it out loud when I read and watched the video about the science that could create an actual zombie-like event. Located on Mashable, this article discusses the ability of a virus to meet the qualifications necessary to create a zombie horde.

You see, nature is a mean spirited destroyer of all things - just as much as she can create some amazing wonders. No one should ever forget that that same person who creates the awesome beauty of things like this image at right:








Also create terrible things like this:

That is an image of Hurricane Sandy from space as it envelopes a majority of the Eastern Seaboard. Like I said - Mother Nature is not all sunshine and honeybees. 

Imagine my displeasure to hear that she allows for viruses to take over human brain function. I don't think anyone can ignore the fact that Rabies is a disease that acts like this. It is a mean spirited bug intent on death and to spread itself to new victims. Why do you think Rabies causes aggressive behavior and salivation in animals? Aggression makes the animal use its main weapon - biting, and salivation is a method to spread itself - since Rabies is passed through fluids. 

It doesn't take much of a stretch to get to unending hunger and other loss of mental control. The video explains that all it takes is a virus specifically targeting those parts of the brain. The terrible part of it as well - is that the virus could easily enter via a sense of smell. The damn olfactory nerves lead directly to the part of the brain that handles these sorts of things. 

Damn Nature. Now I have to worry about things I may smell. This planet is flipping crazy!

Terminal Defense Position: The Channel Islands

Since my last entry discussed some of the concerns a Zombie-apocalypse survivor needs to keep in mind when selecting a location, I decide I should start picking some out that I think would make for interesting analyses. Lets face it, after playing a few rounds with the game "Plague Inc." almost anyone would want to find a nice secluded spot to live when the Zombies come. Or in this case - the vastly over-powered mutating sentient disease intent on wiping out humanity.

One can only hope that Plague Inc. gives me a free copy of the app for plugging them here (please? I need to scare myself more often?)

Anyways, my location for today's analysis is going to be the Channel Island off the California coast. Here is a map in case you are unsure where they are. that city in the top right corner of the Map is the Ventura/Oxnard region just outside of Los Angeles. This location will include the caveat that I have not spent any time on the islands - I have only looked longingly at them from the coast when I spend time in Ventura. This location speaks to me on a number of different wavelengths, so lets look at each of the areas of concern and how this location stacks up.

Limited Approach
These islands are nice in that they are close to shore, but out of range of most swimmers. The first small island is almost 20 miles off shore - I know I can't swim that far as of today. (Note to self, begin swimming training for endurance) The island each have few locations that you can just get onto the island - their coasts are rocky - this will help provide less area to patrol and keep possibly infected people off-shore under quarantine. Can't beat that. However - this place is within an hour travel of the metropolitan area of Los Angeles. The city proper has almost 3.9 million residents, and the Metro area is closing in on 20 million inhabitants making it one of the largest city centers on the planet. Score: 8/10

Length of Stay before Re-Supply
This one is tricky. If you have time to prep the location - which you cannot in this case because I guess people get angry if you modify a national park- these locations can be very long-term inhabitable. Fishing is ample around the islands, and there seems to be enough rain to keep the place green most of the year, however this island is along the dividing line of the California heat and the more common cooler rainier climate of the northern half of the state. With the right seed crops in addition to local wildlife, and a way to store large amounts of water, this island could be a great place to spend your time. Also, though you can't see it on the smaller map above - directly north of the eastern peninsula of the island are active oil derricks. That's right - you have a pre-tapped supply of oil - if you know how to not blow yourself up operating an oil derrick. Score: 10/10

Supplies
This location could be self-sustaining if properly managed - however a fair amount of technical expertise is needed. Who here can farm? How much needs to be planted to feed a single/multiple persons? Who can operate an oil derrick? Can you fish without a fancy pole or net? Also, the previous blog entry mentioned that whole "Tons and tons of explosives" that would be dropped to stop the advance of the Zombie horde. Does anyone reading this that the military would think twice about nuking an LA with Zombie Justin Beiber eating his fans? Hell. No. (a Google image search was too revolting to include here.) I wouldn't stop myself. So this location could be partly irradiated, and any supplied you would have tried scavenging while fighting off the millions of undead in LA will be a melted pile of slag. Your only hope is that the mountains shielded Ventura and Oxnard - lots of hippies with Solar panels, and marina's with nice boats. Score: 6/10

Available Skill Sets
This one will take some planning. Good news is that California has Rocket scientists - so no shortage of mad-scientist types can be found near the Channel Islands - they do Rocket testing there. Additionally, the Naval Engineers (Sea Bees) are located at the naval base at Point Mugu - on the south side of Oxnard. Make that another notch for very well armed construction and trade skills. In fact - if you can't make a pretty hospitable location work when you have both rockets scientists and a full armed construction force you are really going to have to reconsider your plan of action for the apocalypse.  Score: 11/10

Final Score
Because of the relative ease of sustaining this area, and the availability of both farm and technical skill sets, but its proximity to a major ZBA - I would give the Channel Islands a total score of 35/40. This location could sustain a group of people for an extended period of time, in relative ease with its moderate climate conditions, proximity to technical and physical resources and a more secure location than most people can find on land. Well done California, well done.

Terminal Defensive Positions

I am pretty sure my family has been involved, in some form or another, in most every major conflict in the last 1000 years of Western European history. No - I can't confirm all of that - that is the beauty of "anecdotal" history. Needless to say though, of all the generations currently alive - all of them have served in the military. At least one member of the family has found their way into the defense of the country we call home. Part of the reason this matters to me - is because all of us are obsessed with tactics and strategy. My love of strategy also bleeds over into my fear of the undead.

In the past I have written about my need to know the escape routes of places I am at, or think of how I can turn said locations into an easily defensible position. This is important to me - in some part of my mind I need to know what sort of defensive strategy I should have in place for where I am at a given moment. Handy? not most of the time, but it is in that one in a million time when that sort of information needs to be understood. 

This entry will discuss the importance of Terminal Defense Positions. These are locations that have a few required ratings that a person should take into consideration, to determine how long you should stay there, and what sort of places really are the best places to escape to in case of zombie outbreak.

1. Limited Approach. How limited are the access points for the undead to reach you. Are you trying to hide in a green house? (That is an Epic Fail by the way) Are you just hanging out in your basement/attic? (Another possible group of FAIL) Are you using one of these?

Yes, that is one freaking epic-ally hard to approach fortress (Built in Yemen according to the Google Image search that found it). While this limited approach appears, well, pretty awesome, it does suggest utter failure in the next category.

2. Length of Stay before Re-Supply. While that Yemeni fortress above is a great place to draw a proverbial "line in the sand", it probably doesn't have a natural spring of fresh water inside of it. That rock looks pretty dry. Probably doesn't have access to fuel - either wood, oil, gas, or anything else. While it would be perfect for a solar installation (power for the place and shade for you is a good idea) lugging solar panels around in the apocalypse is not going to be an option here.

3. Supplies. How difficult is it to manage long-term in that location. Can you supply yourself food, fresh water, and fuel supplies? Materials to rebuild equipment that breaks? I do not consider non-replenishing scavenging here. The idea that you can "scavenge forever" is faulty - and fails to take in the assumption that there are million of tons of high-grade explosives and nuclear weapons that will be used in a Zombie Apocalypse. 

That whole "you need two keys and some magic codes from that briefcase by the president..." goes out the window really fast when a rural base commander see a nearby town overrun with undead coming at his soldiers, and he gets a technician to jury rig an override to that fancy trigger gizmo inside of it. Nuclear weapons need two things - fissionable materials and a really big *bang* surrounding it to get it to become unstable. every other part is just to help or control the reaction when it prepares to go off. Urban centers will be ravaged by fires, nuclear and traditional explosions and the thousands of people living in that town that panic and strip the place bare before you get to it. Scavenging will not be a good fall back plan. 

4. Available Skill Set. Some people are more valuable than others to save - sorry Geek Squad. Unless you can toss together a Tesla Coil or any other technical feasible device other than an Ipod we don't need you. I will not have to worry about my IP Address in the Apocalypse. Civil engineers, Contractors, Electricians, Pipe Fitters, Masons... Hell with it - just find every tradesmen you can tie up and toss in whatever vehicle you have around. Ignore doctors, get the Nurse Practitioners first - they do a lot of the real work anyways. 

This is a perfect time to be friends with a Union Representative because chances are he knows some of the best in these trades. Please don't discuss Union vs. non-Union here - Unions are more connected typically than non union and we need that knowledge fast. You don't have time to take applications and do background checks.

Additionally, it is handy to know that crazy, food hoarding gun enthusiast down the street - that I assume you made sure to invite to every fun event at your home you could get away with over the past few years. If he is hoarding Twinkies you don't have to be his friend - we want the people that are hoarding raw grains and salts for curing the meat they hunt or fish themselves. That family - strange as you may think they are, will have what you need. You better have been helping them out otherwise they might just shoot you on sight.

These four values should be used to evaluate any location that you want to sit down in and ride out the hoard of undead wiping out all those people you didn't really like anyways. Next week - we will begin going over locations that are best suited for a long term survival of you and your family (or people you saved instead of your horrible, horrible, insane family that were the first to be turned).  

Bad news - California is actually, AGAIN, one of the best places to be for this sort of event - if you can avoid the initial problem of that state having more undead than any other on the continent. Goddamn hippies did that on purpose didn't they?

Zombies Details

One of the most fascinating aspects of my personal fear, are the minor details that can determine whether or not I freak out. Instead of being a broad brush, like a general fear of guns - and it won't matter what type of gun, my fear is much more finicky. While I do know a large amount of Psychological theory as it pertains to personality - I know strikingly little about the dynamics of how fears develop and mature in ones psyche.

I know it sounds strange, but my fear is only triggered by a few specific sets of characteristics that if they are not in the correct alignment I am not as afraid. You see my fiance pointed this out to me just a few weeks ago, I am not afraid of the rabid humans from "I am Legend", when by all obvious accounts I should be. In fact, the level of virulence is so very high in that film that it is almost unbelievable. The people mutated by the virus still ate everyone else, they still destroyed humanity in almost it's entirety. I am not sure what it is about this that helps me to watch the film - though I admit I am still nervous about the virulence of the disease. In fact, I am more worried about the virus than I am the rage-filled mutants eating and killing everyone.

Let's take another example - Skeletons. by all accounts, if my fear of the undead was a blanket "they should be dead but are not" than my fear should also cover skeletons. However this is not the case, I am actually quite fine with them running around as an army bent on terrorizing the local village. Hell, I even have my best friend from high school to credit with an incredibly useful trap for aquatically inclined heroes in D&D and other role playing games.

No, my fear really is about a very specific set of things that must be in place for zombies to terrorize me. Virus - yes. Eating people - yes. Stumbling rotting flesh bent on mindless consumption that is society - yes.

I am not sure I will ever figure out what specifically qualifies a specific thing to become terrifying, but I am sure it is in there somewhere. I guess as the saying goes - the devil is in the details. 

What Am I Thinking?

Good evening. Good Day, good..... well, whatever the hell you have going on and when you read this. Honestly I jumped in here because my other half commented that some of her friends were upset I had not blogged in a while, and she was having issues setting her Blogger account up. While I am here I figured I would share the insanity that has been my life away from this blog.

First of all, what in the Great Gonzo is up with Sesame Street in the search standings? My blog has a fair number of page-views, especially since I have not written in months, but a LARGE portion, almost half of my total views, is a single blog devoted to the combat prowess of Bert and Ernie. Look at the image to the right - almost a thousand views, in a blog without an update in months? There are some sick people out there - or wait, maybe they are paranoid as well! Finally, some company! Of course we may need to discuss their choice of defensible locations - anyone who believes Sesame Street is really the place to be in a zombie apocalypse needs to be voted off the island before they eat the berries.

Secondly, I am running for a political office. Yes, my name will be on a ballot, and people will hopefully choose me over an opponent that I can honestly say is nothing less than crazy. Chances are I will lose, given how "red" my home state is, but I intend to give one hell of a fight to my opponents. That in itself may be enough to put everyone else on the defensive - the finally will have to face an opponent who will stand up to them.

Lastly, I need to speak about an event I going to at the end of the month. I am going to my first "Con". No, I will not have a table for my book, "Empires Awakening" but maybe one day. I am just going as an average person trying to enjoy myself while thousands of virgins - I mean nerds, sorry - mingle about with people and ogle girls paid just above minimum wage to wear almost nothing so said virg-*cough* nerds buy comics. The "What am I thinking?" comes into play when I think about the zombie walk and dress up contest that is supposed to occur during this convention. It is very possible that there may be some accidents if an unnamed person, with a well known incredible fear of the undead finds himself in a troubling situation.

That being said, I am tagging this post as I did the Sesame street one - I can't turn down a rival post to help get some more views on this blog. Maybe I will even update this more. Who knows?

Hospitals in the Apocalypse

I had a family emergency yesterday and spent some time in the emergency room. Once the emergency was settled and everyone was waiting to be released, I was left with the zombie thoughts that invade my mind once I calm down. This thought process lead me to think of how I could defend a hospital from a zombie attack.

Quite frankly - a hospital is a flipping crap-shoot when it comes time for an apocalypse (yes my actual thoughts on this are even more expletive filled). Part of my inspiration comes from theoatmeal.com and its detailed documentary on the dangers (and stupidity) of a zombie apocalypse. Hospitals really have no reason to be considered a safe haven - especially once a bunch of flesh eating bastards are on the loose. Even worse if they start in the building. There are literally five different ways to access every section of the hospital, and the place is a maze. The damn labyrinth of Greek myth is easier to navigate than a hospital.

That is not even getting into the idea of barricading the main doors - that just wont be a viable option given the number of doors and walkways you are dealing with. It is little wonder that a single infected doofus can infect hundreds that then go out and infect the world - and you know the rest of the story.

Maybe that is why sesame street doesn't have a hospital - and I don't recall there being any strange winding hallways that lead back onto themselves. In fact sesame street can be secured with few barricades at all - if you take the maps located here. This only reinforces the idea that Sesame Street is a safe place to be in a zombie apocalypse. 

Nikola Tesla and Zombies

I think that Nikola Tesla was a genius. A completely and totally insane genius, but one none-the-less. I am willing to admit that I do not care for Thomas Edison, since I have heard multiple stories of his activities that make him a spoiled brat.

However, Nikola Tesla would be my choice as my mad-scientist partner in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse. Just imagine what he could accomplish in the modern era of electricity and science! I can just see it now, a ray gun that would not have to recharge, bolts of lightning that could arc from fingertip implants powered by the magnetic field of the Earth itself.

Tesla, was hardcore. He could probably even break that pesky light-speed barrier - just for fun. Or actually make his earthquake device work this time.

The reason I am bringing this up, is because the wife and I have decided to read two books together (Not counting the Tiger-mom parenting book). We are going to both read a book on Edison, and a book on Tesla - but the need to both match. I want to read two neutral books, or one skewed for each so I know the truth is somewhere in the middle.

Besides, how often does a beautiful woman ask you to read up on Nikola Tesla? That's right - my wife is awesome.

Family

Zombies love family - that is they like to exploit our love of close family in order to eat or infect us. It is a simple truth of zombie existence - not that it is their intent of course. Zombies do not have any intent other than consumption of their human neighbors.

Zombies make terrible neighbors. They are up at all hours, growling, gurgling - and the screams of the passers-by they attack just makes it hard to sleep through the night. I don't know about you, but I would prefer to not have them within a 12,757 kilometer sphere of me. Which if anyone realized - that would be the diameter of the Earth.

In earlier posts I had pictures of the home I would want to have in the event of a zombie apacolypse - what amounted to a square box of cement and steel. Toss a few tesla coils on the top of the thing and I think it would be a great hide-away. except of course the light show when zombies came to visit. Burning bodies do not raise property value.

Through all of this - family has a comforting element to it for all of us. Our family help us create a home, in effect they become where "home" is. This sudden loss that we see our counter parts in zombie films try to protect is understandable - but still stupid. So best bet? Keep your family close by and protected. They are where you need to be.

Gandalf and Zombies?

The blog over at Tor.com reported to me this fine morning, that Gandalf (aka Sir Ian McKellen) are on board to be part of a victorian era zombie flick. The good news: Can you imagine Gandalf taking down a horde of undead? That would be pretty awesome to watch, but I doubt I would be able to bring myself to watch it. Gandalf or not, zombies still scare the bejsus out of me.

And making it set in victorian era england just makes it that much creepier. Given tales like Sherlock Holmes, Bra Stoker's Dracula, Frankenstein - there is no way to tell if these zombies will be magically brought to life or some mad scientist virus that is released in the age of steam. I can only imagine what will happen, but I won't be there for it.

All I can ask is that other lover of Gandalf cheer him on his he takes down the nasty beasts.

Sooo.....

.....The world didn't end. I haven't taken the time to look up which of the typical excuses will have been used, but I am sure it may have something to do with the calculations being wrong, or the prayers of the faithful saving all of us from damnation. Nothing makes cult followers feel better than being rewarded for their faith.

In other news, it is another creepy morning fog day. Silence in the apartment complex broken only by my keyboard, the mountain view blocked by low level clouds. I always have panic attacks on these days when I am alone. For some reason I feel better with my family tucked away in the next room - perhaps because then I know I won't have to immediately go out and save them from the rambling horde of undead.

Damn, I need a shotgun.

The coming End of the World

So, I hear the world is supposed to end tomorrow. Is anyone else a little excited about the prospect? Now before anyone gets upset, let us look at the benefits of having the end of the world.

1. Once it is over, we can get on with our lives. - I don't have to hear about the Apocalypse ever again!

2. Decreased traffic congestion - fewer people means fewer cars. Imagine rush hour with half as many people!

3. I can finally rule the world - who better to rule a place that will be left in chaos. I can submit my world domination resume to anyone who wants to see it. I got plans, and the knowledge to see them through.

4. Better housing market - lots of empty houses (some pretty nice ones too). And prices will go down.

5. Your choice of bankers and lawyers - We pretty much know that all the bankers and lawyers will be left behind, so with the sheer number of them left needing work, you can use them as cheap labor to fix up that post Apocalypse home! Make them sweat!

Does anyone else have some they want to add?

Survival Ratings

Survivability is key for any individual who finds themselves in the midst of a zombie Apocalypse. Perhaps it is time to develop a sliding-dependency scale to determine the survivability of people in such an event. There would be a number of factors one would have to look at to insure everything was adequately examined.

First, you would have to score them on a single-survivor basis. How well can this person survive on their own - what are their chances to NOT become lunch.

Second, scoring them on a pairing or group survivability basis. Some skills work better when used in conjunction with other skills, so in essence their abilities work better with people around.

Thirdly, the mental stability needs to be examined. Last thing you want is someone who loses their mind just when you need it most. Some minds just do not handle the idea of the Apocalypse well.

So, we can call this the I-G-S-S score. Individual, Group Survivability and Stability score. IGSS, almost sounds cute. Perhaps the next few days I can develop a scoring process for each of the IGSS values. Anyone want to be a test subject?

Another Great home for the Zombie Apacolypse

I sometime am unaware of how I accumulate things in my head. I tend to have a sponge of a brain for pretty much anything. My computer can sometimes be the same way. I wander the Internet and I find pictures that strike me, or I browse the shelves of bookstores and hobby shops and find things that fill my mind with ideas. Today, is a great day for Zombie Home Defense, because I have decided upon a almost perfect home that can be built (I always say almost because I can find ways of enhancing almost anything, Not ever the omega particle is without flaw no matter what the Borg may think)

I digress. Below you will see a picture that is quite frankly, genius.

Before any of you laughs, since apparently a portion of my audience does only that, just look at how seemlessly this house can transform. One moment it is a modern monster on the surrounding terrain, a pure aesthetic failure of epic proportions. Then, just moments later, it is a modern monster of design - that is surrounded by a solid layer of foot thick cement reinforced by steel and implanted with lead to protect against some forms of radiation, blocking all zombies from entering.

No horror movie-esque breaking of boarded up windows, no sneaking in through the one room you left doofus in charge of protecting - just walls of cement and steel. Mmmmm, I can smell the internally filtered air now... What could possibly make this more appealing - oh wait, I know!

There are a lot of gadgets in this book I don't personally need, they might be fun to make me seem insane and scare of future boyfriends of my daughter. However, the most amazing thing I can find a use for with this, are the directions for the Tesla coils and the laser perimeter warning system. Can't say any home defensive system can be complete without a laser tripline to trigger the alarms for you to seal this home up.

Oh, and the Tesla coils do make it more interesting once you are safely inside.