Zombies of the New Year

One the thing I think about when I am out in the world – especially in crowds, is how easily the location turns into a ZBA (Zombie Buffet Area for those of you who are newer readers). These zones are veritable deathtraps for the living. It is already dangerous if there is a crowd – but you know I am digressing so let’s create some context.

 

Put in your mind, an image of Times Square – you know where that big party is held for a crystal ball to fall is located signifying the end of the year and the start of the next one. I have grown less excited for New Years as I have gotten older. I can’t even recall if I stayed up until midnight last year. Maybe it is my concern that being at an event, like the Times Square New Year’s party, is a very uncomfortable situation. How could you even tell a Zombie was coming until it was right on top of you? You wouldn’t hear the shuffling steps, the scraping of old shoes or bone on pavement. You would be happily bounding around watching the lights and confetti and listening to music until the very moment you were pounced on.

 

Now with that lovely image in your mind – you can imagine that would be only for people on the outskirts of the crowd. People on the inside would only get to experience the joy of being trampled as they began to run in a panic. Chances are they would not even know they were running as a simple basic animal programming code would kick in in the brain. (This is why herds of animals and schools of fish move as a group – If you friends are scared and running away chances are you should as well). It saves processing time in the mind to just go with the running crowd. Of course once you start running you may wonder why.

 

Once everyone realizes something is up – and it involves flesh eating SOB’s with hygiene issues – everyone immediately runs to their loved ones – including the punks who got infected somehow. Now I love my family – but in ANY situation involving a highly contagious biological agent they are well aware I am putting quarantine protocols in place. Be it mega-flu, zombie-ism or anything else, there will be no running into open arms. This does not mean I love my family any less – it just means I want as many of us to survive as possible.

 

So yes – New Year’s not so exciting for me, it just leads to some ever more exciting fear incidents.

Headphone Paranoia

I occasionally suffer from a few of using headphones. This is not some new phobia – it is based on the idea that when I use my noise cancelling headphones (that I love oh so much) that I can’t hear much of anything else. I mean, that is the point of noise cancelling headphones – but it scares me that I can’t hear someone or something (or a damn zombie) coming up behind me to take a bite out of me.

 

So as much as I enjoy my music – it many times comes with a distinct terror that I can’t hear anything coming after me. If I am lucky the zombies are not already in my home, or my office building and I will perhaps hear screams of their first victims over the ramblings of my playlist through music land. At times when I am alone – I pretty much will have to write myself off – or I just listen using one headphone off. That option does make the modern stereo sound system kind of suck since I lose half of the sound.

 

I guess I will just continue to live with me fear since I can’t really give up my headphone usage – especially at work. That or I will need to develop a solid perimeter alarm system – that shouldn’t be too difficult right?

 

Hospitals in the Apocalypse

I had a family emergency yesterday and spent some time in the emergency room. Once the emergency was settled and everyone was waiting to be released, I was left with the zombie thoughts that invade my mind once I calm down. This thought process lead me to think of how I could defend a hospital from a zombie attack.

Quite frankly - a hospital is a flipping crap-shoot when it comes time for an apocalypse (yes my actual thoughts on this are even more expletive filled). Part of my inspiration comes from theoatmeal.com and its detailed documentary on the dangers (and stupidity) of a zombie apocalypse. Hospitals really have no reason to be considered a safe haven - especially once a bunch of flesh eating bastards are on the loose. Even worse if they start in the building. There are literally five different ways to access every section of the hospital, and the place is a maze. The damn labyrinth of Greek myth is easier to navigate than a hospital.

That is not even getting into the idea of barricading the main doors - that just wont be a viable option given the number of doors and walkways you are dealing with. It is little wonder that a single infected doofus can infect hundreds that then go out and infect the world - and you know the rest of the story.

Maybe that is why sesame street doesn't have a hospital - and I don't recall there being any strange winding hallways that lead back onto themselves. In fact sesame street can be secured with few barricades at all - if you take the maps located here. This only reinforces the idea that Sesame Street is a safe place to be in a zombie apocalypse. 

Zombie Short Story

So I am toying with the idea of writing my zombie book as a short story here in this blog. To be entirely honest, it is something I am leery about – since I have to write from the dark corner of my mind that reality doesn’t go into very often. You know – kind of like visiting your kid at college when they have their first apartment. You are not quite sure what you may find since you know they are probably living in a place close to being condemned with a half dozen other people – that sort of scary and dark and leaves you wondering if you could make it back out alive.

 

(Note to self – make sure my daughter keeps a clean living space)

 

If I do it – I want to do it soon since I want to make the complete tale available on Kindle format again (because cheap and easy to supply is good for us broke writer wanna-be’s). Though if it turns out like my first book did (Empires Awakening on Amazon.com) it will turn from a short story into a full length novel. Not how I want to spend my evenings – but I will do it for the fans (I know I have one, not sure if I have any others).

Sometimes I Need to....

Just get away from it all – especially Zombies. It is not like I run into them often or anything – I just think it easier to stay away from them entirely. If there is anything I hate worse than zombies – it is people who are about as useful as zombies. Zombies don’t even serve a function in society – they are the anti-thesis of order in some regards. And don’t give me that “They get the slow ones” line – I know they do that, but eventually they will catch us fleet footed ones unaware, eventually we pull a muscle in our leg, eventually we must sleep.

 

People that slow us down and interfere with progress are just as infuriating in my mind – because if they were zombies we could just get rid of them. Being the “living” they are allowed to stay that way.

 

I like function and efficiency – neither of which zombies care about. Maybe I dislike them because of their mindless shambling about biting people. Doesn’t quite explain why I nearly die from anxiety at the very mention of them or possibly seeing them – but it is a theory.

Halloween

I am divided internally on how I feel about this holiday. In all honesty – I see as an easily abused holiday for the undead. How long into Halloween would it be before the stem of zombie attacks would be stopped? Who would you know to defend yourself against? Halloween is nothing but a really bad time for a Zombie attack – hands down with no room for argument.

 

However, I have a daughter, and she is going to go trick or treating no matter how paranoid I am about the shadows holding an undead menace. My daughter is beyond adorable – and to say she is the center of my universe feels like an under-statement. To disappoint her would be a tragedy that would be nigh unforgivable.

 

Just means I have to carry a weapon with me tonight.

Lingering Doubts

The days after a night filled with Zombie Madness inside my head continues to have little “echoes” of strangeness bouncing around.

 

One example – why must I keep my toes covered to protect against zombies? I am thinking this may actually be a lingering fear that Toe-Fairies might be around. It is not that toe-Fairies or Zombies hang out – it is just that my mental defense against fears must be lowered at these times.

 

Second – All locks must be repeatedly checked and rechecked to insure they are secure. This also means I try to have one piece of heavy furniture per door or window to slow down the incoming horde. How I intend to block all the entrances quickly when I am the only person in the home able to move things around I don’t know.

 

Third – Why do I need to know how I will sequester my family in the loft in event that the perimeter is breached? I actually have thought out the most effective method of getting my family to the proverbial “high ground”. I will neither confirm nor deny the presence of defensive machinery in the home.

 

Fourth – Why do I spend hours trying to develop a perimeter security system for a cabin I have not even built yet? I am trying to determine how I can secure an acre to 5 acre lot against a horde of undead so I can live comfortably inside without their interrupting me. So far I am trying to determine how to use a dead-mans weight system to make this work, though digging the trench for 10 foot tall perimeter fencing seems like a lot of work (and the whole expanding razor wire system is another discussion).

 

There are days I hate my mind (but very few where I really do).