Abandoned Buildings

I had the opportunity (I guess we can call it that) to look over a creepy series of photos from Six Flags New Orleans the other day. Let me just say this - it was creepy.

Let us ignore the usual details that bother me about abandoning loations to nature to reclaim - how can it be too expensive to fix or bulldoze over? Since when was cleaning up after yourself optional?

Anyways - the site itself seems out of touch with reality for the rest of us. I have seen abandoned buildings, areas left to blight as nature tears it down a small bit at a time. But when you see it each time it strikes me. If a plaec has scared even the hobos away you know it must be pretty rough. How society can leave things to rot away around us is a fascinating look inside our psychology as a whole.

NNot to mention having an abandoned site in a part of the world that has a reputation for voodoo (which is often blamed for acts of raising the dead) and abandoned site here is screaming danger and death around every corner. You could make the cheapest horror movie ever - take the 75 to 100 pictures and play them in a slow slideshow. Toss a few shadowy figures in and you have a creepy movie that will keep you on the edge of your seat. And perfectly indefensible Zombie attack areas.

Let's just hope the voodoo isn't aimed at you while you are there.

Who's Who in the Zombie Apocalypse

There are certain people I have said in the past, you should always keep around. People that may do well to gain your protection so you can gain from their resources and planning abilities. As the philosophers always say - no man is an island unto himself.

My mother-in-law is one of those people. We are working to move her stuff outof her home, and what do I find - cases and cases and buckets and buckets of food. Dry food stuff, sealed. In easy to stack and move buckets. This woman, is prepared for the zombie apocalypse and doesn't even know she is.

How long can you live off a five gallon bucket of lentils? A lot longer than you can without them. How long can you live off rice? A lot longer than you can without it. Twinkie and ho-hos only go so far to nourish you while you spend your days running from the zombie horde - grains and high-protein beans and dried foods are probably going to mean the difference between death and being a meal yourself after 6 months. Let me remind all of my softer more grocery store spoiled friend here, that the grocery store is stocked by human beings - human beings supplied by trucks from hundreds of mile away. When the zombies come, your grocery store will not be the same.

For those of you shocked by that news - you should have been reading my blog earlier. Now it is time to catch up and get yourself back on track.

Nikola Tesla and Zombies

I think that Nikola Tesla was a genius. A completely and totally insane genius, but one none-the-less. I am willing to admit that I do not care for Thomas Edison, since I have heard multiple stories of his activities that make him a spoiled brat.

However, Nikola Tesla would be my choice as my mad-scientist partner in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse. Just imagine what he could accomplish in the modern era of electricity and science! I can just see it now, a ray gun that would not have to recharge, bolts of lightning that could arc from fingertip implants powered by the magnetic field of the Earth itself.

Tesla, was hardcore. He could probably even break that pesky light-speed barrier - just for fun. Or actually make his earthquake device work this time.

The reason I am bringing this up, is because the wife and I have decided to read two books together (Not counting the Tiger-mom parenting book). We are going to both read a book on Edison, and a book on Tesla - but the need to both match. I want to read two neutral books, or one skewed for each so I know the truth is somewhere in the middle.

Besides, how often does a beautiful woman ask you to read up on Nikola Tesla? That's right - my wife is awesome.

The Terror of Disney Attractions

What is with Disneyland building dark corridors of doom into every attraction they can? I think it may be remnants of the pre-building code era but a lot of the attractions have some pretty tricky dark corridors in them. Cinderella's Castle - darkness abounds! Toon town - seems like every building there is designed for cave dwellers.

With my zombie fear running rampant because I could not figure out how to adequately blockade any specific point for a defensive position, I had to resort to trying to figure out why Disney has such dark passages.

Perhaps they really do have an army of dwarves and they are responsible for the construction. The steps are never all that big, and how many times did you hear the 7 Dwarves talk about keeping their caves up to code? There are dozens of infractions the moment you see them hard at work. One must wonder if they even own the land they are mining or if they have a permit for the work in the caves.

In either case, very few places in Disney are good defensive positions. I think the Worlds Fair pavilion might be a good one, but that is only because you can set the thing to turn, up the acceleration on it and turn the outer wall into a spinning wall of death.

That is a great idea! Use the rotating Pavilion as your secured location. I wonder how well it would hold up over time. Hmm.

Family

Zombies love family - that is they like to exploit our love of close family in order to eat or infect us. It is a simple truth of zombie existence - not that it is their intent of course. Zombies do not have any intent other than consumption of their human neighbors.

Zombies make terrible neighbors. They are up at all hours, growling, gurgling - and the screams of the passers-by they attack just makes it hard to sleep through the night. I don't know about you, but I would prefer to not have them within a 12,757 kilometer sphere of me. Which if anyone realized - that would be the diameter of the Earth.

In earlier posts I had pictures of the home I would want to have in the event of a zombie apacolypse - what amounted to a square box of cement and steel. Toss a few tesla coils on the top of the thing and I think it would be a great hide-away. except of course the light show when zombies came to visit. Burning bodies do not raise property value.

Through all of this - family has a comforting element to it for all of us. Our family help us create a home, in effect they become where "home" is. This sudden loss that we see our counter parts in zombie films try to protect is understandable - but still stupid. So best bet? Keep your family close by and protected. They are where you need to be.

Gandalf and Zombies?

The blog over at Tor.com reported to me this fine morning, that Gandalf (aka Sir Ian McKellen) are on board to be part of a victorian era zombie flick. The good news: Can you imagine Gandalf taking down a horde of undead? That would be pretty awesome to watch, but I doubt I would be able to bring myself to watch it. Gandalf or not, zombies still scare the bejsus out of me.

And making it set in victorian era england just makes it that much creepier. Given tales like Sherlock Holmes, Bra Stoker's Dracula, Frankenstein - there is no way to tell if these zombies will be magically brought to life or some mad scientist virus that is released in the age of steam. I can only imagine what will happen, but I won't be there for it.

All I can ask is that other lover of Gandalf cheer him on his he takes down the nasty beasts.

Sooo.....

.....The world didn't end. I haven't taken the time to look up which of the typical excuses will have been used, but I am sure it may have something to do with the calculations being wrong, or the prayers of the faithful saving all of us from damnation. Nothing makes cult followers feel better than being rewarded for their faith.

In other news, it is another creepy morning fog day. Silence in the apartment complex broken only by my keyboard, the mountain view blocked by low level clouds. I always have panic attacks on these days when I am alone. For some reason I feel better with my family tucked away in the next room - perhaps because then I know I won't have to immediately go out and save them from the rambling horde of undead.

Damn, I need a shotgun.