You Know - There are Reasons I Avoid Zombie Stories....

I have to admit, I should really stop trying to be a glutton for punishment. I tried being brave today and watching the the trailer for the upcoming "Fear the Walking Dead". I was curious about how they would handle the initial outbreak and spread of the Zombie contagion. While the anticipation terrifies me - I was curious about what they had to show for their work.

I should not have tried.

I did not finish the entire video (when it comes in at just over three minutes that is truly saying something) and closed out the tab before I raised my blood pressure anymore. The hilarity is what comes after the initial terror.

*Listens to helicopter flying overhead as I leave work*
(Inner voice) "They must be on their way to the initial outbreak site. Maybe they are running from the first infect."

*Hears truck blasting its horn around the corner while walking to car)
"The zombies must have broken through. Maybe those are the reinforcements to try and stop them."

*Hears rustling in a shrub that is all of eight inches high and a foot wide.*
"Goddamn Zombies are here already!"

Also - why the flip do people need to take SOOO much time to recognize there are zombies and enter into execution mode. "Oh I see they are biting people now...." *Headshot* It makes me angry that people are so dumb. The first time I see someone start biting another one I am not going to lolly-gag about things.

Anyways - I made the mistake. Again. Now every out of place sound is making me get jumpy and prepare for a undead apocalypse. I look forward to the nightmares about this tonight.... *sigh*

Last Night Was Hell

I don't know how the rest of you spent your night, but mine was spent in utter hell. Pure, unfettered, putrid, horrifying hell.

No, I did spend my night stuck watching Star Trek V or videos of Jar-Jar Binks. I had a night of one long

continuing nightmare about zombies. Hour after painful hour, of undead mayhem.

When these nights occur - which are thankfully few and far between, my mind gets stuck in a groove. I will enter a dream sequence that I know is a dream - but I am so afraid of zombies it overpowers my ability to Lucid dream. What I can do, is wake myself up. So my night is spent in the dream world running in terror, sometimes dying, mostly waiting with apprehension and discomfort wondering why this dream won't stop.

How often do we have dreams we want to continue that just won't? No one can say they have not woken up and yearned to go back and finish what their dream had going on for them. Does it work? Hardly ever! Your mind is a jerk who snatches away that joyous endeavor like a bully steals your lunch money.

On an aside - having grown up poor and generally getting free lunch - I have no idea what it is like to have my lunch money stolen. Poverty for the win! ....Shit...

Getting back to my main topic here - my mental torture. So I spend these nights balancing between two bad situations. If I stay away I will be even more exhausted the next day. I risk having a migraine all day, being unable to drive safely, or not being able to enjoy my day because I am spending it rubbing my eyes and trying not to cry at the knots in my back. If I go back to sleep unknown horrors await me. I have been eaten,  chased and trapped with the grim horde battering their way in. I have witnessed thousands attacked and turned by the undead. No seriously - thousands of people. Many times they are people I care about - or their arch-type.

The struggle goes on and on. Fall asleep - maybe it will be different. Wake up because it was no different. Feel so very tired. Let myself close my eyes - yup - more undead there. Open my eyes... You get the idea. It is like being bombarded with your greatest fear both awake and asleep.

That is what is even more horrible about it. Because I get so tired after a night of this - my brain finds it harder and harder to separate the reality from the dream. Even more so when the dream world uses real world places I know to torture me. I wake up and I begin to fear going back to sleep. Every little noise is a zombie sneaking towards trying to eat me or my family. You know how much I freak out knowing my daughter would have to face that? It makes me want to install those awesome steel window covers from "I am Legend". Not sure how one we even get those - it must be a custom iron working job.

So yes, today I am tired, I am exhausted, and I am left with another night of tortured dreams filled with undead attacks. I can only hope that the paranoia that is left behind is not too debilitating today and I can not freak out at every sound that happens to occur near me.

Society is Fragile - Deal with it.

It has been awhile since I wrote so I felt it important to write a significantly disturbing entry. Don't get me wrong, I have studied global maps and found some cool places for humanity to lay low while Zombies march unstoppably across vast continents of people/lunch. I have a number of locations picked out, and I hope to start a weekly series soon outlining these safe(r) havens. If you have a site you would like investigated for its survivability, just message me with the location and the coordinates for a Google Earth search and I will check it out. Lets go ahead and worry about all that later as I start on today's topic - how frail civilization really is.

Civilization exists in a careful and complex balance. Our society is a long line of carefully timed deliveries of raw goods and products that can be broken in a single spot with disastrous consequences for everything else. While this system works well and have some measures to maintain equilibrium - the system as a whole is very delicate. This is a natural tendency of any system geared towards greater complexity that homeostasis is more difficult to maintain. For those of you not familiar with the term - homeostasis is the ability of a system to maintain itself against changes circumstances. For example when it is hot out you sweat to keep cool. All processes have some level of capacity for adjusting to changing circumstances.

Our society though, can fall apart more quickly than other systems that exist if pressure is added in just the right spot. Since my generation loves lists - let's make one with the soft points of society.

1. People: Humans are the very creature that made society - however we are not the only animals on this planet to create functioning societies with different levels of success. There are birds and small mammals that engaged in group activities for safety - Meerkats watch out for predators and warn their group of danger. Some species of bird sound alarms to their brethren to avoid danger. No one can doubt the organic avoidance of predators by flocks of bird or schools of fish as they move around. My favorite society building creature of all, the mighty Ant, is it a stable practice of some species to farm livestock in the form of aphids  or grow their food (a specific type of mold) on the rotting mass they purposely create inside their hive.

Humans are a weak point because we can be confused, we can become diseased, or used against our peers in many different ways. Additionally, we are very apt to throw our peers to the wolves if we think it will save our own hide. We rob each other - even more so to survive in a disaster. Fact is, once something doesn't go a certain way we will stoop to utterly depraved levels of violence to finish the job of destroying society in record time.

2. The Digital Age: You I-Phone or Android device will be the death of us all. Not directly, but your reliance on technology is a very disturbing aspect of a both the help and the danger technology poses. You see, every time we develop a tool or a piece of technology that does a job for us - we take away the need of that knowledge ourselves. This is not a specifically bad process - by centralizing water processing we can clean a lot more water, and free me up to work harder at my job. And maybe not so hard boiling water to avoid dysentery. I have had it - it sucks. The reason that technology is both a help and a bane is that it because we no longer need to do certain tasks - we are losing the ability to do them at all.

Just as a test of this, attempt to recall the five telephone numbers for the first people you would call in an emergency. Don't use your phone, your Facebook, your Google Account, MSN, or anything else. Just from memory. Chances are you see these numbers every day when you call them, text them. Maybe even when you post to their wall online. Recalling phone number in the apocalypse will be a moot point - but the point of  losing skills that were once used every day is. I have great respect for anyone who seeks to maintain a basic skill that technology cannot take away - that person is worth their weight in gold in any disaster because they become more resistant to harmful circumstance. I have some basic wood working skills - I just recently made a gorgeous table. However in an apocalypse I understand enough to build things, to repair wooden structures. I have relatives who are plumbers, electricians, masons - the works. That skill set means that I have less to relearn in case those skills are needed. Tell me: what use is Paris Hilton in a disaster? Not a damn bit of good.

3.  Oil/Fossil Fuels: This is not just a general "fossil fuels bad" comment. In fact Fossil Fuels are incredibly useful - it is why their products have pervaded our lives. Coal is powering large swaths of our country. Oil is responsible for the plastics age. Trouble is that it took a REALLY long time to develop the system that uses oil. Coal is hard to transport without other fossil fuels. Without Oil - Coal will only move slowly and in much smaller quantities to where it would be burned. Without a lot of that coal - there is very little power to make more oil into fuel. Hell, a lot of the easily accessible oil that can be reached without power is now gone. We are now using fossil fuels at a higher rate to get more fossil fuels - I think you start to see the cycle here. Take out a refinery in a hurricane, or an Earthquake and instantly millions of dollars in costs will appear. First the repair of the facility, then the market shortage, more fuels need to be used to get back to the original production point. It just keeps adding up.

At the end of the day what is even worse - These resources are humanly finite. The amount theoretically produced in a human lifespan is so much smaller than what a single person uses, let alone an entire planet. Not mention that these fossil fuels are created from the plant and animals we already paved over with cement - how can more oil or coal be made unless we have swaths of forest and animals being buried to become the coal and oil?

4. The Internet: Humans are social creatures - but we are also animals. We are the dominant animals of the planet because we developed certain tendencies that kept us alive in dangerous situations. However these genetic traits are now also very dangerous because they can be triggered at a much faster rate. Herd animals will stampeded if provided the right circumstances - it is a flight response to danger. Humans are also prone to a fight or flight response - both of which can reach so much further with technology than without. In 1950, if a person was paranoid that someone was watching him and lost his mind as he started to run screaming down the street chances are no one would ever hear about it. Maybe a few people were get scared and run with him or in another direction.  The Internet allows what can be called the Fight or Flight response to be sent out to every corner of the Earth in microsecond. One persons panic can suddenly become the panic of a planet. It is like triggering a stampede across the planet instead of an isolated valley - because of a terror that is still the same size.

Additionally - the Internet is so widely used and manipulated that it is as dangerous as many other elements of our lives. Stocks can plunge on a rumor started by some stranger spouting off in a chat room in Pakistan. Armies can come to blows and riots start because of a fake news report sent out to an email address. Who here can count how many times Morgan Freeman has died this year alone because humans can be sent along delusional paths so easily. Maybe this should be rolled into Humans as well - but it still is important on its own for the havoc it can cause.

Are there more" I can certainly guarantee that there are. Civilization is only as resilient as its subsequent parts - and we are really flimsy at times. One single point of pressure, if pressed at the right moment *cough* Solar Flare *cough* can send everything we know into a tail spin. Don't panic, but be aware that as Atlas stands there with the Earth on his shoulders, that sometimes the strength of one person is all that stands between you and the collapse of civilization. IF that doesn't make you thankful for what we have - I am not sure what else would.

I really Hope Zombies Can't Swim

I really hope Zombies can't swim. Seriously. Do you know how difficult it would be to stop the undead hordes if Zombies could swim? Probably just a shade below impossible, and would seriously restrict locations people could call safe havens. This would of course rely on the fact that aquatic animals would not eat them, or their water logged flesh would soak up water and they would sink into the dark depths of the ocean. There, their decomposed forms would be crushed into a wet mass of undead mush.

As long as a location can be successfully cut off or easily monitored it can remain a safe location. Even if standing water is removed as a barrier, there still remains rushing water, mountains, fire and sheer cliffs. Each of these can create hazards that the undead would be heavily challenged by. I mean, if you could build near one, having a constant flow of magma from a volcano would be a pretty impressive barrier. Granted - being that close to a volcano may not be the best location for long term survival. Volcano's tend to be a tad bit temper-mental in even the best circumstances.

Part of the difficult in preparing a zombie free zone that one can live in comfortably is the basic idea that as Zombies have become more common in media - their myths have changed. Initially zombies only sought out brains - but after a decade or two their palates grew into a general hunger for human flesh. After their hunger changed, then they began to change into more fearsome beasts. Now they can run, climb and turn into relatively powerful monkey-like creatures to terrify humanity. I have to assume these myths changed because of the American culture itself. How could a zombification disease spread in a country that has more than one gun for every single man, woman and child within its borders? Making Zombies more powerful makes that possible.

However this expansion of the genre has its drawbacks. The original zombie idea was an embodiment of a slow progressing rot, a slow death through overwhelming odds. The fear of the slow inevitable end of your life as you are faced with your mortality from those that are already passed on. That is an incredibly different fear than "Holy crap that rage-beast is going to try and gnaw my limbs off".

One theory on the development of Fears is that for some people they are manifestations of other incremental problems in their life. these fears are the way that the mind takes a single object or theme and puts all those different pieces into a single larger one. While this doesn't work for all cases, with some analysis of what a fear entails a person can reasonably figure out why someone is afraid of something.

I am aware enough of my fear, and who I am as a person to understand a large portion of my fear of zombies, and how it is different from other fears. I can see the path my mind followed to create the fear, and why at this point in my life, this manifestations of my fear is so powerful for me. It warrants a close inspection from anyone with any level of fear, as to why and how that fear came to be a part of you. Like it or not, that fear probably has a good reason to be there.

Zombie Preparation Kit

I always enjoy finding other Zombie apocalypse plans, or being sent lists of items that everyone should have in case of a Zombification event. To be entirely frank - I have a pretty in depth list as it is - I even had to develop a way of processing new items as they get brought up to see where they lie in order of importance. Let's face it now - some things are just more important for long term zombie attack survival than others. Holly Madison is pretty far down on the list - sorry her fake boobs, insured or not, won't make life any easier when people start eating each other.

Today's list is actually from last week - CNN Money created a list of items (and their cost - as if money is important with undead running around) that everyone should consider having in the event of a zombie level event. Perhaps I should make that another acronym - ZLE.

1. Ghost 400 Crossbow - I will be honest, there is a special place in my heart for crossbows. This is the medieval equivalent of armor piercing bullets. While arrows always had a better range and are very deadly - crossbows are the cudgels of long range weapons. They don't just pierce - they SLAM into their target at the minimum taking the wind out of them. While the review says aim for the head - most likely you will remove the entire head when you hit - solving that pesky biting once they are down problem. Oh - and the ammunition is re-usable (if you feel the need to retrieve your shots that is)

2. Husqvarna Chainsaw - Chainsaw's were made popular by two things = Evil Dead and the Doom series (if you haven't ever found the chainsaw in Doom you haven't really ever played it). While I commend any destructive weapon - chainsaws are noisy and messy - splattering blood and gore that will most likely infect yourself and your peers - reducing the numbers of non-undead.

3. Orchid Samurai Sword - Swords - while not the optimum weapon of choice due to their range, they are the most dependable. No one has ever said they have run out of ammunition while using a sword. Swords do not jam, they operate in the cold, the heat, under water..... pretty much if you can move the sword works. I have few already myself.

4. Anti-Riot Helmet - Any sort of armor that is light and effective is a bonus in my book. The downside to this model is that the neck is open for biting. If it doesn't have a coif - it is not going to help as much as it should.

5. Anti-Riot Armor - I pretty much have to repeat my last statement. I love armor - and this stuff looks great. Two deficiencies in this design though. First, no neck protection (coifs were invented for a reason people) and even more bizarre in this case - why does this thing not have gloves included?

6. Skull-faced mask - This is screaming "Shoot me as well!" I get the whole intimidation factor for the living, but this is for the undead - the only thing this does is make you a target.

7. Night Vision goggles - This is a pretty good idea. If you can find a few pair, it never hurts to have them once night falls. Darkness has always been the ally of the undead - for some reason rotting eye tissues have excellent night vision capabilities. While I call bullshit on that - it doesn't hurt to have the upper hand with your body armor to also have better vision than the undead hunting you.

It is a limited list - but a list none-the-less. I just have to wonder how much money was plugged into CNN Money for placing these items and their manufacturers. Either way - all of these items will be more useful than Holly Madison. Unless of course you intend to use her as bait (which is a honest waste).

The Terror of Disney Attractions

What is with Disneyland building dark corridors of doom into every attraction they can? I think it may be remnants of the pre-building code era but a lot of the attractions have some pretty tricky dark corridors in them. Cinderella's Castle - darkness abounds! Toon town - seems like every building there is designed for cave dwellers.

With my zombie fear running rampant because I could not figure out how to adequately blockade any specific point for a defensive position, I had to resort to trying to figure out why Disney has such dark passages.

Perhaps they really do have an army of dwarves and they are responsible for the construction. The steps are never all that big, and how many times did you hear the 7 Dwarves talk about keeping their caves up to code? There are dozens of infractions the moment you see them hard at work. One must wonder if they even own the land they are mining or if they have a permit for the work in the caves.

In either case, very few places in Disney are good defensive positions. I think the Worlds Fair pavilion might be a good one, but that is only because you can set the thing to turn, up the acceleration on it and turn the outer wall into a spinning wall of death.

That is a great idea! Use the rotating Pavilion as your secured location. I wonder how well it would hold up over time. Hmm.

Family

Zombies love family - that is they like to exploit our love of close family in order to eat or infect us. It is a simple truth of zombie existence - not that it is their intent of course. Zombies do not have any intent other than consumption of their human neighbors.

Zombies make terrible neighbors. They are up at all hours, growling, gurgling - and the screams of the passers-by they attack just makes it hard to sleep through the night. I don't know about you, but I would prefer to not have them within a 12,757 kilometer sphere of me. Which if anyone realized - that would be the diameter of the Earth.

In earlier posts I had pictures of the home I would want to have in the event of a zombie apacolypse - what amounted to a square box of cement and steel. Toss a few tesla coils on the top of the thing and I think it would be a great hide-away. except of course the light show when zombies came to visit. Burning bodies do not raise property value.

Through all of this - family has a comforting element to it for all of us. Our family help us create a home, in effect they become where "home" is. This sudden loss that we see our counter parts in zombie films try to protect is understandable - but still stupid. So best bet? Keep your family close by and protected. They are where you need to be.

Gandalf and Zombies?

The blog over at Tor.com reported to me this fine morning, that Gandalf (aka Sir Ian McKellen) are on board to be part of a victorian era zombie flick. The good news: Can you imagine Gandalf taking down a horde of undead? That would be pretty awesome to watch, but I doubt I would be able to bring myself to watch it. Gandalf or not, zombies still scare the bejsus out of me.

And making it set in victorian era england just makes it that much creepier. Given tales like Sherlock Holmes, Bra Stoker's Dracula, Frankenstein - there is no way to tell if these zombies will be magically brought to life or some mad scientist virus that is released in the age of steam. I can only imagine what will happen, but I won't be there for it.

All I can ask is that other lover of Gandalf cheer him on his he takes down the nasty beasts.

Sooo.....

.....The world didn't end. I haven't taken the time to look up which of the typical excuses will have been used, but I am sure it may have something to do with the calculations being wrong, or the prayers of the faithful saving all of us from damnation. Nothing makes cult followers feel better than being rewarded for their faith.

In other news, it is another creepy morning fog day. Silence in the apartment complex broken only by my keyboard, the mountain view blocked by low level clouds. I always have panic attacks on these days when I am alone. For some reason I feel better with my family tucked away in the next room - perhaps because then I know I won't have to immediately go out and save them from the rambling horde of undead.

Damn, I need a shotgun.

At Least Death is Punctual

In a previous entry we discussed Zombification parasites. Thanks to my loving better half I now have a great article (with video!) with which to link all of you.

The basic premise of the possibility of zombification in the future is based on the idea that their are just too many vast numbers of possible genetic combinations that can be created - or may have yet to be discovered (by nature hopefully not us). Even the Oatmeal.com has an idea of why Zombie attacks go utterly and horribly well. It is not like nature needs ANY help what-so-ever in finding new ways to eliminate life. Believe me - she can do it better than any of us can!

That being said, Parasites are horrible, and in the following article and video you can see just why you should never discount the creative ways Mother Nature will try to kill you with. Watch the video in the article, and be afraid, very afraid.

Another Great home for the Zombie Apacolypse

I sometime am unaware of how I accumulate things in my head. I tend to have a sponge of a brain for pretty much anything. My computer can sometimes be the same way. I wander the Internet and I find pictures that strike me, or I browse the shelves of bookstores and hobby shops and find things that fill my mind with ideas. Today, is a great day for Zombie Home Defense, because I have decided upon a almost perfect home that can be built (I always say almost because I can find ways of enhancing almost anything, Not ever the omega particle is without flaw no matter what the Borg may think)

I digress. Below you will see a picture that is quite frankly, genius.

Before any of you laughs, since apparently a portion of my audience does only that, just look at how seemlessly this house can transform. One moment it is a modern monster on the surrounding terrain, a pure aesthetic failure of epic proportions. Then, just moments later, it is a modern monster of design - that is surrounded by a solid layer of foot thick cement reinforced by steel and implanted with lead to protect against some forms of radiation, blocking all zombies from entering.

No horror movie-esque breaking of boarded up windows, no sneaking in through the one room you left doofus in charge of protecting - just walls of cement and steel. Mmmmm, I can smell the internally filtered air now... What could possibly make this more appealing - oh wait, I know!

There are a lot of gadgets in this book I don't personally need, they might be fun to make me seem insane and scare of future boyfriends of my daughter. However, the most amazing thing I can find a use for with this, are the directions for the Tesla coils and the laser perimeter warning system. Can't say any home defensive system can be complete without a laser tripline to trigger the alarms for you to seal this home up.

Oh, and the Tesla coils do make it more interesting once you are safely inside.

Strange Moments of Vulnerability

There are certain times and places that my fear of Zombie attacks spike. There are just common situation or every day occurences that leave a person open to be attacked by the undead, something we should all take note of.

1. Getting a massage. You are relaxing, trying to stay calm and something jumps on your back knawing on you. I was seriously thinking this saturday morning while getting a massage - least relaxing massage day ever.

2. Bathroom breaks. Nothing leave you more open for attack. Diapers people, Diapers.

3. Exiting your home/apartment. Blind corners, doorways, and pretty much every time you turn a corner too sharp you are just asking for trouble.

4. Late night jogs. Who goes running late at night? People who live in Arizona who want to live through the summer.

5. Sleeping. Most horrifying time ever, because you just don't stay awake while you sleep. If I could be awake while I got my 5 hours of sleep - I would be much happier.

A few things NOT to do, When the Zombies come

1. Not prepare, and "hope for the best". - Completely and utterly stupid. If you idea is "I will lock my door and take a nap on the couch until Suzie comes home" You are just preparing yourself to be lunch.

2. Sleep in General - Guess what - sleeping just means you can't see them trying to get to you. I suggest you start practicing staying up for a week straight. First rule - ignore the voice in your head that says "we should get comfortable!", that little shit screws you every time.

3. Head to Costco first. Non-zombie Apocalypse this is fine, its a good idea. In a Zombie Apocalypse - WORST IDEA EVER to go anywhere lots of people would go. This includes church. Unless your church is the militant arm of some religious whack-job group that happens to be heavily armed. THEN  you go to church.

4. Don't help the neighbor you know has a gun "closet" that is half his house. He has guns, most likely is a better shot than you, and doesn't have all those "emotional attachments" to the rest of the neighbors once they get infected. Their is no shame in keeping his back while he keeps you from doing something stupid. Such as-

5. Rush your loved ones with hugs. I know, they are loved ones. But Zombies don't understand love, they understand exposed necks for biting, and arms for munching. Quarantine or restrain anyone until the infection threat is gone. Then arm them.

6. DO NOT, make your "base" on the first floor if you can help it. Zombies rarely wield weapons, so stairwells are great places to hold off the Zombie Horde if your barricades fail. High ground and a narrow funnel means even people who can't shoot the broad side of a barn suddenly become harbingers of a second death to the undead.

The Great State of Washington: Defensible Locations

Ah yes, defensible locations. One of my favorite subjects, and quite frankly one of the most important subjects people should ever have on their mind. Is this place defensible? Can I survive here? Will Michael Jackson's Thriller really make the dead dance in perfect rhythm? Thankfully I can answer all of these questions pretty regularly.

The reason why Washington is on my list tonight is due to a very strange, but thankful, quirk in the whole Zombie mythos - zombies can't swim. I am greatly thankful for this (and I am sure somewhere a Sci-Fi staff writer is making a case for "Water Zombies" for their next bad movie) as it makes more locations defensible than others. With other fantasy creatures you have more logistic concerns. Skeletons being some of the worst undead to deal with since they can do pretty much everything they want (except blink and tan I guess). A ship full of skeletons? A VERY dangerous thing that. A ship full of zombies? Only dangerous if you are stupid enough to get on board with them.

Anyways, Washington. The northwest portion of the state, as I found through my google map wanderings, is a veritable treasure trove of mild-climate islands and peninsula. Granted, I mean mild climate not because it isn't cold, but because you are not completely snowed in. That and I am sure that bears can make short work of pesky Zombies wandering in the woods. But having a few hundred acres of livable land and access to fresh water directly from the sky a majority of the year is a pretty sweet deal. All you have to do is hold a line that could be as little as a mile wide and you have a perfect bottle neck to defend from.

Also, would be champions of undead-killing, remember to make sure you are on the correct side of the bottle-neck. nothing I hate worse than someone setting up perimeter at  the bottle neck. Before any of your stupid friends start digging their trenches (or building barricades which is smarter with an enemy intent on eating you) make sure they understand that they want their opponent to come through the bottle-neck, not sit in front of it.

In either case, Washington earns today's award for defensibility. Anyone have any other suggestions I should evaluate?

Fear of Cuddling

One of the things I hate about fearing zombies is that it makes me also fear being close to loved ones. I mean physically close to them. There are many different things to fear, but some can be feared more than most on a paranoid day.

By far one of the worst side-effects of a more paranoid day, is the fear of cuddling. Whoa, hold on - a fear of cuddling you ask? Yes, because it basically puts you into the most indefensible position you can possibly ever be in. What better to become infected than to be cuddling with someone infected with a zombifying disease when they "turn" zombie.

Never before has the gentle nuzzling of a loved one into your neck evoked more delusion panic than when you have to wonder - will they bite me sometime in the night? Will this fun movie night turn into a nightmare?

Stop looking at me with that face, it is an irrational fear for a reason - because it is bothersome and strange in all its quirkiness.But once the zombies come, don't expect me to be handing out hugs - arms length saves lives.

The Silence of Being Alone

Last night I was sent out on errands by the other half after we were all home. So, taking my daughter I left and gave her, my other half, some time alone in the apartment. When I returned with errand items in tow, she commented on how strange it was to have the apartment so quiet. I explained to her that the silence she experienced could also be maddening.

I spend a large portion of my time alone. If not in reality than at least emotionally. Living alone at these times all I have is the silence to keep me company. To be honest, silence is a jerk to have for company. Its creepy, over bearing and it makes you depressed. My apartment building is so quiet I don't even get the occasional fights in the unit next door, the rhythmic slamming of a couple "bonding" next door, or even kids running amok causing a racket. It is no wonder that I am driven to high levels of paranoia after a few days home alone.

Most of my days are silent and start out with this morning fog. No, this is not a picture of anywhere near me - I am using a picture from Ontario. In either case, waking up each day to this, having not heard a single person in sometimes 48 hours - well anyone would be worried about where the hell everyone was. Zombies could be just beyond the mists, finishing up the last of humanity except for me. Do I want to go wandering out into the nothingness to find out - no, that is stupid. Fog dissipates, wait for it to clear.

Infectious Nature of Fear

There is a grim reality that people around me must face after they make fun of my Zombie Fear; the reality that they may themselves begin to share in my fear. I won't reveal the names of the people around me that have felt this way, but readers you should all know that fear is contagious.

When we see the rational intelligent people in our lives so terrified by something, it is human nature to begin to wonder if they may not have a point. In my case some have had nightmares and even moments of fearful clarity as they watched someone shamble around in the night - and they have that quiet voice of unreasonable fear pop into their heads. The thought sticks with them, digging its claws into their mind.

For those of you who will begin to fear so much - its okay, its human to have new fears.

Aliens vs Zombies

I have finally gotten around to watching the Aliens movies. The alien species itself is quite strange to me, given the fact their parasitic growth cycle is just as dependent on killing humans as Zombies are infecting people. While watching "Aliens" I actually had the thought of "I wonder what an Aliens vs Zombies" movie would turn out like. Can aliens be zombi-fied? Do aliens prefer raw fresh flesh, or if it is still moving they will try to use the zombies just like humans?

Face huggers are just as bad as any Zombie virus. And the fact they can move around so well and jump out at you has its own level of creepiness to it. Just taking a walk in the park and then BAM! Face hugger downs you. This is very similar to walking through the park, and BAM! Zombie tackles and bites you.

In both cases a few hours from now you will be dead (or undead) and release a creature that is deadly to others, either the parasite from the alien or you become a zombie.

Would full grown aliens kidnap zombies for hosting the baby aliens from the face huggers? I guess it is a question of how fresh they need the meat to be. Humans are just cattle in this case. Is this like selecting between Long horn or dairy cow?

In either case I can make it through Aliens, not so much a zombie movie.

The Quiet Morning

I am a morning person. I enjoy being awake long before the sun comes up, before people begin to clamor about and bring noise to the world. The silence and emptiness is both soothing and terrifying for  me.

I have enjoyed mornings here near the coast, with the beauty of fog clouding my vision out of the window of my apartment. The hill north of town with the homes I wish I could afford to buy sits beyond the white mists - but no one could say what its fate is at that point. As much as the fog gives the world a clean pristine mystery, it also holds the hidden dangers of what is within.

Some morning the silence is deafening. The crunch of gravel along the roads a thunderous clash, and my feet the cymbals of the heavens cast upon the earth. Any zombies could hear that. As strange as it may seem - I have not seen a zombie infestation that affeccts hearing. It seems that zombification affects sight, smell, strength and touch - but never hearing? Whoever dreams of zombies must be music lovers - god forbid they lose the ability to enjoy music while they are eating people.

I think those musical bastards must have it out for the rest of us. People with sensitively sharp ears as well - they created zombies to silence the world. I can see it now, a super-villain being asked.

"Why are you doing this? Why destroy the world?"

"Because everyone is too damn loud and I am trying to compose a symphony!"

<<Start Zombification>>

Damn people with sensitive ears. I wonder what I could create to get back at them? Other than my idea for a belt fed combat shotgun, Without that, I am at a loss.

Zombie Children

Nothing pisses me off more than the idea of Zombie Children. I mean seriously, children? Like people don't already have a hard time surviving the playground, now they have to go start eating people to top it off? I hated recess before Zombies. After - just makes it a living hell that was upgraded with more hell.

First, let us ignore the disturbing fact that children would have to get infected somehow. If you are an adult on a playground you already have a sign on you that says "attack me". Anyone who has worked with children know how this works. Within moments of stepping into their domain they are sent into a frenzy the likes of which is not rivalled by anywhere else in nature. It is like a collective, mad consciousness is ruling them from the moment they reach the slide. For some reason playground equipment brings out the primal energy of children. Turning them into fast moving torpedo's for attacking, tackling, climbing, swinging tunnelling and digging - it is a sight to behold.

Now make the mistake of letting them get infected. Children have the cleanliness facter of earthworms. Once it is in the ground they all share everything. Once a child has something, they all end up with it. They have a natural tendency to share every single contaminated item that comes into their possession. Everyone knows how quickly lice spreads? Colds? Flus? Now take all that primal energy and make it hungry. So now adults change from jungle gyms into buffets.

Let us not forget the cuteness factor. What group of national guard soldiers coming upon a playground full of children will shoot first and ask questions later? None. I can see it now:

"Oh these children are so cute, they are running to greet us!"

"Rawr!"

"My god the cute children are now trying to bite my ankles. Now they are climbing up on me, ow! he bit my neck!"

"Rawr!"

"Rawr!"

National Guard 0, zombie children plus a million. The most terrifying part of this is the fact that the chances for human survival are pretty darn slim with a child zombie army roving about. They would be like locusts eating crops. Quick moving packets of cuteness laced with death (and undeadness), scouring the countryside for the next group of stupid people who think it is cute when a wave of children come running at them. Think ahead and plan people. Go experience your son or daughter's playground. Once you see the terror they can wrought without  deadliness you will start to think about how to defend yourself.

Here is a hint: Children like to climb and wiggle through very small holes we otherwise don't think they can get through. Start preparing.