The coming End of the World

So, I hear the world is supposed to end tomorrow. Is anyone else a little excited about the prospect? Now before anyone gets upset, let us look at the benefits of having the end of the world.

1. Once it is over, we can get on with our lives. - I don't have to hear about the Apocalypse ever again!

2. Decreased traffic congestion - fewer people means fewer cars. Imagine rush hour with half as many people!

3. I can finally rule the world - who better to rule a place that will be left in chaos. I can submit my world domination resume to anyone who wants to see it. I got plans, and the knowledge to see them through.

4. Better housing market - lots of empty houses (some pretty nice ones too). And prices will go down.

5. Your choice of bankers and lawyers - We pretty much know that all the bankers and lawyers will be left behind, so with the sheer number of them left needing work, you can use them as cheap labor to fix up that post Apocalypse home! Make them sweat!

Does anyone else have some they want to add?

CDC Zombie Planning

My fear, hilarious though it can be, is something that many consider a pop-culture icon. A mere traversing of a cultural idea with fears and values tossed into a nice mix - with a dash of undead for flavor for that story to be told. That being said, I always enjoy finding other zombie preparation plans, especially ones from reputable government agencies - like the CDC! The link here is a reposting of the blog post by the CDC. Granted, I am finding flaws in this plan of their (who wants to meet out in the open during a zombie attack?)

In any case, though the preparation kit does not include a shotgun or other weapon (I do NOT count a utility knife as a proper weapon when dealing with a ravenous flesh-eating mob) it does a good job of making sure people keep things in mind for any other emergency.

I mean seriously, not even a gun and ammunition?

Ants: Natures Zombie Hunters

A wonderful bit of news from the world of nature, as a follow up to yesterday's post. If you actually took the time to watch the video I linked to, you would know that the ant colonies in question were very aware of the zombie problem. In fact, they assign attack squads to find the infected and remove them from the colony.

How much more awesome can ants get? I already liked their collective mentality - their organization structure for their success. Now, I know that if zombies do come, I can find giant ants to use as assistants in eradicating the zombie threat. Also, since they know they will do it for the hive - I don't have to bribe them, they will be supportive of the survival of all.

With the industrial capacity of their own insane capacity, ants have found a new reason to be high on my list of creatures of the animal kingdom.

At Least Death is Punctual

In a previous entry we discussed Zombification parasites. Thanks to my loving better half I now have a great article (with video!) with which to link all of you.

The basic premise of the possibility of zombification in the future is based on the idea that their are just too many vast numbers of possible genetic combinations that can be created - or may have yet to be discovered (by nature hopefully not us). Even the Oatmeal.com has an idea of why Zombie attacks go utterly and horribly well. It is not like nature needs ANY help what-so-ever in finding new ways to eliminate life. Believe me - she can do it better than any of us can!

That being said, Parasites are horrible, and in the following article and video you can see just why you should never discount the creative ways Mother Nature will try to kill you with. Watch the video in the article, and be afraid, very afraid.

Meet.com : A Great Way to Find Zombie Fodder

I am signed up for Meetup.com, and all joking aside it can be a valuable resource for meeting people with similar interests.

Now that is out of the way, let us discuss my temptation to toy with the craziness that use this site. Meetup has some rather cracked out people using it. I find these groups as I get notifications their groups have been formed. At random intervals I get sent groups that supposedly match my interests (a very loose connection I should point out).

Today was a group devoting themselves to some modern prophet called Matraiya, and if enough people joined and made it through his "initiation" process and received his blessing, then Christ or some other biblical figure would come back and you get into heaven the rest of the suckers get left behind. Now, after I learned about cults and religion in Sociology during college, I can't help but have a long list of thoughts about how wrong this group is.

1. Initiation involves two things; lots of money if you are a guy, and cash and sexual favors if you are a woman.

2. Just like the Jehovah's witnesses, the date of the apocalypse will continually be moved back because either the group is too small or because their faith has impressed god and he wants them to continue their work. Name one time a cult hasn't believed their leader saying that.

3. Koolaid is a no no.

4. If it is a new group, I could get in on the bottom floor! (Per the wife)

5. I could twist Matraiya to be a zombie hunter. Imagine the power of cults and god driving the masses. A mob of unread vs. A mob living inspired by a cult master.

6. Enjoying the chills of #5.

7. Are their any zombie hunting cults or would I be the first?

8. How does a person place "Zombie Hunter" on a resume. Does that count as a people skill?

In either case, Meetup has a bunch of craziness. while I am tempted to toy with them, I will leave them to their own self destructive mannerisms. Comments are open for best cult ideas.

The Safety of Sesame Street

I have decided that Sesame Street may be a zombie free haven in the event of a zombie apocalypse. What could possibly trigger such an insane thought you might ask? Well, the place is already infested with monsters and mutants. Wit any location this seriously infested with all manner of creatures, do you think Zombies would stand a chance?

Besides, I got money on Bert and Ernie being Zombie Killers- Extra-ordinaires. I mean look at the eyes, the eyes.... Anyone with that sort of insatiable devotion to a rubber duck has a zombie killing streak in them a mile wide. And let us not forget the massive power of the Bert uni-brow. That thing was responsible for a few classified weapons "accidents". Why do you think Bert is living in the city under the close watch of everyone. With that temperament I am sure PTSD has something to do with it.

Zombies in Nature

Recently I had a coworker who had a big laugh over my fear of zombies."you do realize the are not real, right?"   I mean seriously, you have to ask? Right now human zombies are not real, but that does not rule out the possibility for all time. Just because we have light bulbs and the internet does not mean we have always had them.

You could make the case for technology being different from viruses, bacteria and parasites - they are after all living things. Sadly due to evolutionary forces these creatures are in a constant state of flux and growth, giving them a better advancement curve than technology.

There are parasites that can use others as hosts and even control their actions. A species of wasps plants its eggs inside of the ants who eventually lose touch with their hive. With a few generations mother nature could make those parasites larger and more aggressive, or a bacteria or virus could develop the same abilities.

So one day I could have a real fear.