The coming All-Fools Day

I am not a big fan of April fools day. Though if something were to occur, more than likely it would backfire on me, and involve zombies even if it shouldn't.

Also for those of you making plans for pranks, anything that you do after 12 noon is considered bad luck and will backfire on you. Be careful.

Apocalyptic Survivability

I am a survivor. Now before you dismiss me as being overly hopeful, or just ignorant of the steep curve of basic natural survival of animals, Think about your own personal knowledge, and what you know how to do to survive. Hollywood, and even the science channel have tried to figure out the multitude of ways to collapse human-kind in on itself. Movies like the Terminator, 12 Monkeys, I am Legend, 2012 - these are all films that question the ability of humans to respond to calamity. 

Let's face it as well - many of us our soft. We spoil ourselves with driving our environmentally controlled cars, we hide from nature behinds walls of stone, wood, glass and steel. In a fight between man and a natural beast - there are many interactions where mankind is on the losing end without technology to back him up. Nature is something I called the MOAB talking to my better half tonight. Not to be mistaken with the Russian Mega-bomb, or perhaps an American ICBM, MOAB (a bigger version of a son of a bitch) stands for Mother of All Bitches. When it boils down to it, nature is not a son of a bitch, she is THE biggest one in all existence.

That being said, humans have survived for tens of thousands of years. In earthly terms, we are still just a blink in a tectonic image. Mother Earth hiccups - and chances are we go flying without a passing thought in the mind of the planet. The question I pose is what are we doing to survive if that hiccup occurs.

Zombie, Nuclear, extra-terrestial, or microscopic - there are lots of ways for humans to be wiped out. How many of us know how to find shelter, or locate clean water supplies or know where to get food if suddenly the supermarket is out? Who among us can figure out the fastest means to travel between two points if highways are impassible and your vehicles is rendered useless? Does anyone know the proper quarantine procedures to protect your home in the case of a disease outbreak?

We are soft, not in a morbid the divine-will-punish us soft, but we are quite honestly ignorant of what we have to know to protect in order to survive. I know people who won't last a day without wikipedia. Quite frankly I know people that if it wasn't for my near eidetic memory of some techniques and information they probably wouldn't survive long in a disaster. However I also know my limitations and who I need to work with to make sure myself and those I care about survive.

Before you think I have lost my mind or find me paranoid, I just ask that you think very carefully on what steps you know you need to take to survive in whatever disasters can reach you. In the span of a few hours a single weather event can bring us to an etch-a-sketch end of the world (thank you Eddie Izzard) scenario where 100,000 years of civilization is thrown out as fast as yesterday's trash and everyone is in kill or be killed mode. Sadly that first reaction is also conducive to making sure fewer survive. Perhaps tomorrow I will write about how collectivism is more important for survival than individualism, for now I leave you with the thoughts of "What they hell will I do if...?"

I think that should be frightening enough since most of us can't answer that question.

Surprise

I am still not totally relaxed after the movie attempt. Just this morning I was walking to work, and a cyclist caught me unawares.

Now you are wondering as to why this was an issue, I mean how could a man on a bicycle scare me so well? I wasn't paying attention and they rode up behind me. Then, as I was lost in my thoughts and he simply asked me to move.

I nearly jumped into traffic in the street. As I caught myself and regained my composure I let the man pass.

I was embarrassed but at least I didn't have to tell him why I looked terrified.

Nerves

My nerves are calming down more today. I was actually able to walk to work without a panic attack as I neared corners and shrubs that were blocking my view.

Doing laundry this weekend was an exciting panic attack as I repeatedly went downstairs to check the wash. It was only strength of will alone that kept me from printing back to my door. My other half was nice to not laugh to my face, but she was laughing. Not like I could blame her, she deserves to occasionally laugh at my expense.

I am looking forward to not jumping at every small sound. I freak out at any unexpected noise still.

I am not doing this again.

Exhaustion: Aftermath

I am completely exhausted today, to the point of being ill. What reason do I have for this you might ask? This is the result of trying to watch a zombie film.

I spent my my entire night fighting with a sick child, and the paranoia that any moment I would have to fight off a zombie horde from my apartment. I even block the main doorway again. Damn-it all to hell.

My better half (who only an hour ago was allowed close enough to kiss me again) keeps trying to remind me that the film was comedy. To which I repeatedly remind her that it doesn't matter if it was funny or not - zombies were still present. My mind doesn't make a Vietnam film any funnier because Bob Hope shows up for a gig in the middle.

I am hoping my paranoid thoughts stop so I can sleep tonight. God would sleeping a whole night be great or what.

Zombieland: Fail!!!

At the constant request of my better half I attempted to watch the film Zombieland. I am proud to report I made it a grand total of 15 minutes before I was unable to watch it any further.

Yes, only fifteen minutes.

Dark side of Business

After reading the news I am appalled at the rationalization they use to explain business practices. It is rather like seeing a man use technicalities to get out of Hell. Business in its most pure form is devoid of emotion and morality - rather like zombies.

How does he draw this conclusion? Just take any zombie movie and change two things. First, put your zombies in Armani and Gucci suits, and change the cries for human flesh to cries for money, derivatives, and stock options in shortselling other companies.

In fact zombies have the decency to at least bring you to their side if at best they don't kill you. I prefer the outright death over undead lifestyle. I enjoy being alive - except when bankers are around.

Damn bankers.