Jumping off into the Holidays

Halloween has passed us by and we are now quickly marching onward into November. I am a huge fan of the Christmas – mostly because of the lights. I am already planning my outside light display (soon lights… soon….) which will hopefully not blind my neighbors.

I had an interesting October that included a real vacation, recovery from having my wisdom teeth removed, and going to a convention and conducting panels. Hell – I even recorded them (insert links) so you can all view them at your leisure. I felt incredibly proud of my panel on sexual assault and consent issues. It is something I am personally attached to given the past I have lived through. If I could make a living just helping work to prevent women and children from being mistreated and abused I would probably do it. Though the work is hard and very "sticky" for me mentally. I would need a hell of a vacation policy to recover pretty regularly.

In book news, I am a little stuck in a very important chapter for the second book. It is a chapter involving Cael's father so I am taking careful pains to create the exact scene I want to help explain more of Cael's backstory and why he could be, well, annoying at times. I think there is a little piece of my mind in each of my characters – so I do get attached to them and their stories.

If you take the time to watch the author's panels, you will find that writers can even surprise themselves while they create these stories for your consumption. I create ahead of writing and while on the fly. Sometimes as I type the words into the word processor something comes to mind that just needs to be said/described/experienced and I put it down on the page. Just as a point of how important those little pieces are to me as a writer – Mesieve was created on the fly. There was no pre-thought into him; his story just happened. He has become a central character that I never knew I was going to have.

I also had some amazing networking opportunities at the convention I attended. The Comic and Media Expo was in Mesa, Arizona, and had a nice list of skilled artists and content creators for attendees viewing and purchasing pleasure. I am sure everyone wanted more people to attend, but that is the fate of every artist trying to make a living (or a hobby) out of hawking their wares. I did however get a chance to meet some awesome people, and make connections for content and ideas that I never thought of. A few people stand out and I would like to cover all of them in due time – however a couple major ones stand out I want to talk about today.

The first – Tavis Maiden. I started following his work when I saw him on Strip Search. He had his booth set up and was incredibly friendly to chat with. Since there were not too many people present I talked to him for the two days I attended around my panel times. I also gave him an ebook copy of my book since I got to read a lot of his stuff online for free as well. It's only fair. Don't know what he will do with it but I hope he reads and enjoys it.

The second person was Jessica Feinburg, who was selling many of her dragon themed art items. I can't really do her work justice by describing it, so please just go to her Facebook page and store and check it all out. I traded a book for a dragon play/place mat that I already put to use rolling the dice in my Pathfinder campaign. She tolerated my presence and gave me a lot of product ideas that I am trying to find a way to make possible.

Lastly, I want to thank those who attended the panels I was hosting. The convention was nice enough to give me time to fill – and I actually did which surprised even me. All of these videos are available on my YouTube channel linked off of my Facebook pages. If you get time, check them out. I will have a book signing in December so keep posted on the next time I am out in public selling/signing books for all of you. 

Survival Ratings

Survivability is key for any individual who finds themselves in the midst of a zombie Apocalypse. Perhaps it is time to develop a sliding-dependency scale to determine the survivability of people in such an event. There would be a number of factors one would have to look at to insure everything was adequately examined.

First, you would have to score them on a single-survivor basis. How well can this person survive on their own - what are their chances to NOT become lunch.

Second, scoring them on a pairing or group survivability basis. Some skills work better when used in conjunction with other skills, so in essence their abilities work better with people around.

Thirdly, the mental stability needs to be examined. Last thing you want is someone who loses their mind just when you need it most. Some minds just do not handle the idea of the Apocalypse well.

So, we can call this the I-G-S-S score. Individual, Group Survivability and Stability score. IGSS, almost sounds cute. Perhaps the next few days I can develop a scoring process for each of the IGSS values. Anyone want to be a test subject?

Another Great home for the Zombie Apacolypse

I sometime am unaware of how I accumulate things in my head. I tend to have a sponge of a brain for pretty much anything. My computer can sometimes be the same way. I wander the Internet and I find pictures that strike me, or I browse the shelves of bookstores and hobby shops and find things that fill my mind with ideas. Today, is a great day for Zombie Home Defense, because I have decided upon a almost perfect home that can be built (I always say almost because I can find ways of enhancing almost anything, Not ever the omega particle is without flaw no matter what the Borg may think)

I digress. Below you will see a picture that is quite frankly, genius.

Before any of you laughs, since apparently a portion of my audience does only that, just look at how seemlessly this house can transform. One moment it is a modern monster on the surrounding terrain, a pure aesthetic failure of epic proportions. Then, just moments later, it is a modern monster of design - that is surrounded by a solid layer of foot thick cement reinforced by steel and implanted with lead to protect against some forms of radiation, blocking all zombies from entering.

No horror movie-esque breaking of boarded up windows, no sneaking in through the one room you left doofus in charge of protecting - just walls of cement and steel. Mmmmm, I can smell the internally filtered air now... What could possibly make this more appealing - oh wait, I know!

There are a lot of gadgets in this book I don't personally need, they might be fun to make me seem insane and scare of future boyfriends of my daughter. However, the most amazing thing I can find a use for with this, are the directions for the Tesla coils and the laser perimeter warning system. Can't say any home defensive system can be complete without a laser tripline to trigger the alarms for you to seal this home up.

Oh, and the Tesla coils do make it more interesting once you are safely inside.

Dear Home Owner on the Hill

Dear Home owner on the hill,

I like your hours and its extremely defensible location, easy access to fields for growing food, and the ability to be reached in relatively little time in the event of a zombie apocalypse. Please understand I will only show up if the zombies are coming, no sooner. Just please be aware of the following concerns to save us both time and trouble.

1. I will keep you alive, and your family alive, until you are infected. If this happens I am "evicting" you, not the other way around.
2. Please keep a backhoe and pile driver parked behind your home. This, coupled with steel pylons, steel sheets and cement and mortar works will be part of my defensive position plans. I know you can pay for them so please do.
3. Email me where your water supply is, so I can secure it. I don't want to fight the undead for a drink.
4. There is no fourth request.
5. Please start your marksmanship practice now, I don't want to waste ammo training you after the fact.

Thank you for these considerations, I look forward to never having to meet you or and build a barricade around your home.

Signed Most Honorably,
Me.


I was hiking today and found one of the most perfect retreat positions in the event of a zombie apocalypse. Its on the high ground in the mountains north of Santa Barbara, and I wish I knew who lived there (or how long their driveway is because it is SERIOUSLY up there).

This house is so absurdly placed that I fell in love with it almost immediately. That, and on top of the damn house (though the picture doesn't quite show it) is a 360 degree observation floor. Windows facing outward from every face WELL ABOVE THE HOUSE! It is like they knew it themselves that they needed a snipers nest for taking out zombies before they got close. Also, in the event of a massive earthquake, it is not near an edge so landslides are unlikely, and may I say in the image below - Tsunami who?

For flipping Jehovah's sake - what else could I ask for? Well I could ask for the channel island preserve (yes I do consider it an option for my safe haven) given its close proximity to food sources, distance to shore, and its easy access to active oil wells. My only concern is getting trapped on the very island I am trying to secure for myself. In either case, I have another spot I can put on my list.

Infectious Nature of Fear

There is a grim reality that people around me must face after they make fun of my Zombie Fear; the reality that they may themselves begin to share in my fear. I won't reveal the names of the people around me that have felt this way, but readers you should all know that fear is contagious.

When we see the rational intelligent people in our lives so terrified by something, it is human nature to begin to wonder if they may not have a point. In my case some have had nightmares and even moments of fearful clarity as they watched someone shamble around in the night - and they have that quiet voice of unreasonable fear pop into their heads. The thought sticks with them, digging its claws into their mind.

For those of you who will begin to fear so much - its okay, its human to have new fears.

The Weapon of Choice: The Belt-Fed Shotgun

I have been thinking about an earlier blog I wrote about weaponry and how to choose your weapon to defend yourself with. Ever since I half-heartedly mentioned the idea of a belt-fed shotgun, I have not been able to get it out of my head. It was an idea of whim - something silly to be tossed on to the page. Now here I sit thinking of how such a contraption could work.

I am not a gun smith, and frankly it is probably one skill my family does not have. We can do a lot of things, but making guns I don't think is among them. Perhaps I could ask my father. One of my "fond" memories of him is from my last visit years ago. It was my last morning before I had to return home, and I find him in the garage making a grenade. It is not that I am afraid of explosives, quite the opposite. It is the absurdity that walking around in the workshops of my family you are likely to find any number of strange projects.

In any case, belt-fed shotgun. Shotguns filled with 00 buckshot are extremely deadly at close range. You don't have to aim particularly well and a cone of death spreads out from you. The problem is the reloading. Shotguns can have two, five, or eight shells in them before you are stuck putting a new shell in for each shot you want to have. The reloading process is one of the most easily interrupted as well. Single placement of cartridges is an additional spot for a mistake.

With a belt feed into the side of the mechanism, you can reduce the error of shaky hands in a combat situation. You fire, ratchet, and you are ready to go again. As long as you don't have things grabbing at you at close range (branches or undead) the belt can be kept clear and untangled on anything else. A shotgun with 100 or more rounds of fire, now that is a gun I want to see. Slug or 00 or even incendiary rounds are a winning combination.

The Quiet Morning

I am a morning person. I enjoy being awake long before the sun comes up, before people begin to clamor about and bring noise to the world. The silence and emptiness is both soothing and terrifying for  me.

I have enjoyed mornings here near the coast, with the beauty of fog clouding my vision out of the window of my apartment. The hill north of town with the homes I wish I could afford to buy sits beyond the white mists - but no one could say what its fate is at that point. As much as the fog gives the world a clean pristine mystery, it also holds the hidden dangers of what is within.

Some morning the silence is deafening. The crunch of gravel along the roads a thunderous clash, and my feet the cymbals of the heavens cast upon the earth. Any zombies could hear that. As strange as it may seem - I have not seen a zombie infestation that affeccts hearing. It seems that zombification affects sight, smell, strength and touch - but never hearing? Whoever dreams of zombies must be music lovers - god forbid they lose the ability to enjoy music while they are eating people.

I think those musical bastards must have it out for the rest of us. People with sensitively sharp ears as well - they created zombies to silence the world. I can see it now, a super-villain being asked.

"Why are you doing this? Why destroy the world?"

"Because everyone is too damn loud and I am trying to compose a symphony!"

<<Start Zombification>>

Damn people with sensitive ears. I wonder what I could create to get back at them? Other than my idea for a belt fed combat shotgun, Without that, I am at a loss.

Apocalyptic Survivability

I am a survivor. Now before you dismiss me as being overly hopeful, or just ignorant of the steep curve of basic natural survival of animals, Think about your own personal knowledge, and what you know how to do to survive. Hollywood, and even the science channel have tried to figure out the multitude of ways to collapse human-kind in on itself. Movies like the Terminator, 12 Monkeys, I am Legend, 2012 - these are all films that question the ability of humans to respond to calamity. 

Let's face it as well - many of us our soft. We spoil ourselves with driving our environmentally controlled cars, we hide from nature behinds walls of stone, wood, glass and steel. In a fight between man and a natural beast - there are many interactions where mankind is on the losing end without technology to back him up. Nature is something I called the MOAB talking to my better half tonight. Not to be mistaken with the Russian Mega-bomb, or perhaps an American ICBM, MOAB (a bigger version of a son of a bitch) stands for Mother of All Bitches. When it boils down to it, nature is not a son of a bitch, she is THE biggest one in all existence.

That being said, humans have survived for tens of thousands of years. In earthly terms, we are still just a blink in a tectonic image. Mother Earth hiccups - and chances are we go flying without a passing thought in the mind of the planet. The question I pose is what are we doing to survive if that hiccup occurs.

Zombie, Nuclear, extra-terrestial, or microscopic - there are lots of ways for humans to be wiped out. How many of us know how to find shelter, or locate clean water supplies or know where to get food if suddenly the supermarket is out? Who among us can figure out the fastest means to travel between two points if highways are impassible and your vehicles is rendered useless? Does anyone know the proper quarantine procedures to protect your home in the case of a disease outbreak?

We are soft, not in a morbid the divine-will-punish us soft, but we are quite honestly ignorant of what we have to know to protect in order to survive. I know people who won't last a day without wikipedia. Quite frankly I know people that if it wasn't for my near eidetic memory of some techniques and information they probably wouldn't survive long in a disaster. However I also know my limitations and who I need to work with to make sure myself and those I care about survive.

Before you think I have lost my mind or find me paranoid, I just ask that you think very carefully on what steps you know you need to take to survive in whatever disasters can reach you. In the span of a few hours a single weather event can bring us to an etch-a-sketch end of the world (thank you Eddie Izzard) scenario where 100,000 years of civilization is thrown out as fast as yesterday's trash and everyone is in kill or be killed mode. Sadly that first reaction is also conducive to making sure fewer survive. Perhaps tomorrow I will write about how collectivism is more important for survival than individualism, for now I leave you with the thoughts of "What they hell will I do if...?"

I think that should be frightening enough since most of us can't answer that question.

Zombie Children

Nothing pisses me off more than the idea of Zombie Children. I mean seriously, children? Like people don't already have a hard time surviving the playground, now they have to go start eating people to top it off? I hated recess before Zombies. After - just makes it a living hell that was upgraded with more hell.

First, let us ignore the disturbing fact that children would have to get infected somehow. If you are an adult on a playground you already have a sign on you that says "attack me". Anyone who has worked with children know how this works. Within moments of stepping into their domain they are sent into a frenzy the likes of which is not rivalled by anywhere else in nature. It is like a collective, mad consciousness is ruling them from the moment they reach the slide. For some reason playground equipment brings out the primal energy of children. Turning them into fast moving torpedo's for attacking, tackling, climbing, swinging tunnelling and digging - it is a sight to behold.

Now make the mistake of letting them get infected. Children have the cleanliness facter of earthworms. Once it is in the ground they all share everything. Once a child has something, they all end up with it. They have a natural tendency to share every single contaminated item that comes into their possession. Everyone knows how quickly lice spreads? Colds? Flus? Now take all that primal energy and make it hungry. So now adults change from jungle gyms into buffets.

Let us not forget the cuteness factor. What group of national guard soldiers coming upon a playground full of children will shoot first and ask questions later? None. I can see it now:

"Oh these children are so cute, they are running to greet us!"

"Rawr!"

"My god the cute children are now trying to bite my ankles. Now they are climbing up on me, ow! he bit my neck!"

"Rawr!"

"Rawr!"

National Guard 0, zombie children plus a million. The most terrifying part of this is the fact that the chances for human survival are pretty darn slim with a child zombie army roving about. They would be like locusts eating crops. Quick moving packets of cuteness laced with death (and undeadness), scouring the countryside for the next group of stupid people who think it is cute when a wave of children come running at them. Think ahead and plan people. Go experience your son or daughter's playground. Once you see the terror they can wrought without  deadliness you will start to think about how to defend yourself.

Here is a hint: Children like to climb and wiggle through very small holes we otherwise don't think they can get through. Start preparing.

My Response to Zombie Movies

I do not care to watch Zombie films. At one point I was able to do so, but in the past few years that capacity has been lost to me.The tension and the fear are too much for me. That, and every zombie movie involves things jumping out at you suddenly and usually involve fair amounts of gore. My two least favorite cinematic techniques.

I am reminded of a night years ago when I was watching the first two resident Evil films in a row. One night of "lets get this over with" zombie action. I finished both films - I was a trooper. However I spent that night barricaded in my bedroom. I even had a crutch being used as a door jam against the door frame and the wall - to give me a few more moments to escape if the filthy beasts came and attacked. I even slept with my katana and waki-sashi on the floor next to the bed - just in case.

The few times I have tried watching these films with significant others - I always end up not wanting to cuddle. Because of course someone infected would want to cuddle and get near my neck. Look, EVERYONE, if I am having a paranoid day about zombies, leave my flipping neck alone. It is the one place that I do not want you near. I don't even want to touch anywhere else, but for the semblance of sanity I must. Also on a side note - thank you for those who have been sensitive about this.

Do I want to watch zombies in any form? Not particularly. I mean, it is not like my undead list precludes undead as a rule. Oh no. Vampires are ok. Mummies are fine. Skeletons do not frighten me. Ghosts are not an issue. Liches - well, depending on the type I will ave my concerns. It is just those damnable zombies that need to be erased.

Sustainability in the Post-Apocolypse

We all want to survive. I mean, unless I have some suicidal members of society reading this today, pretty much all of us want to make it to the ripe old age of (insert some large number here) and die in our sleep peacefully. The question is what you do to maintain your survival in the event of a catastrophic Zombie attack.

I just don't think many people understand how ridiculously inter-connected our world is these days. You take out one peg and it all falls apart. Redundancy has not been good business, and much of our country has been left to its own devices without worthwhile civil construction projects. Did you know that our power grid was last up to date in the 1970's? Without human intervention we lose electricity in about eight to ten hours. How sad is that? Water systems are similarly ancient, with some cities still using water pipes installed in the early 20th century. And you wonder why so many water mains break in the winter New York City? Now you know.

Now that you know these are going to be problems, what are you going to do about it? How will you provide food, water and defensible shelter with a bunch of Zombies running amok (or shambling depending on their incarnation)? I think, dear readers, you should focus first on shelter and water. Water almost always draws life of some type or another, be it animal or plant. Hence why a concern for water may trump all the other concerns. Just remember one important fact about sources of water if you do not control the entire system - Nature likes to put sharks in the ocean and alligators/crocodiles in the water. It is that nasty thing she does with evolution, the fittest survive. If you are drawn to water, that which eats you will be drawn to water as well.

So - once you have a water system you can keep contained and defend easily (micro-water treatment - yes please!) your next concern is finding some way to have a stable dependable food source. Also - this is a point where science class and the few nerds you thought ahead to save from that college campus overrun with undead (please tell me you saved every nerd not already dead?).

Farming and growing food leads to two obvious options, each with their own problems. Number one, open field growing of whatever food you can stomach eating day in and day out for the next few decades. And the second is high-tech indoor hydroponics. First lets cover that open field scenario.

Field food crops are a pretty easy thing to run, so long as you understand your food won't look grocery store fresh. You will have to fight for your food against mother natures most numerous organisms - insects. With everyone dead or undead and obviously the number of people depleted to minimal levels, that whole "buying land" thing goes out the window. Its all free! So long as you can maintain it, it is as good as yours. There are some downsides to this though. Growing enough food to support yourself and possibly a few others takes a sizable chunk of healthy soil. Soil you hope does not have any weird stuff in it from the military trying to kill the zombie horde (you know; that whole nuke thing?) Also, Zombies may not bother to eat your fresh corn, but have you ever wandered a field of corn where the plant is a foot taller than you are? It is a bonefide ZAA - Zombie Ambush Area. Not pleasant trying to get dinner and becoming dinner. Just like that damn watering hole with the crocodile - #$^$^ nature!

The second option is a hydroponics setup. Here is where the nerds come in handy, quite literally worth their weight in food or gold, whichever you think is more important. Hydroponics can be maintained in sealed structures. Underground with artificial lighting or above ground using natural light - this is science meeting gardening. You can easily find articles online about how much bigger the fruit is, the vegetables grow healthier... blah blah blah. Basically it is contained and can be placed anywhere you are, no matter the climate or time of year. Here come the downsides. You have to put up with the nerd or group of nerds you saved from before - unless you have the time to monitor a very technical set of computer systems that are in turn running a complicated balance of water and nutrient cycles and all the amazing machinery that goes with it WHILE fighting off the zombies that wander in from time to time. If you do, no problem - except for keeping electricity and your heating running. Oh, and you have to have an internally controlled water system. Going to get buckets of water from the damn watering-death-flipping-trap-hole in the ground just is not going to cut it. And guys and gals - that whole line of "Not if you were the last person on Earth...." line goes out the window after awhile. Humans are animals after all.

Now, while each option has some pro's and cons to it, just remember that it is your choice for how to survive. Myself I know my choice, but yours may be different. Just make sure you know which way you want to go first - saves you some time fixing your mistakes (and trying to find nerds for the hydroponics once you are already left them for dead).