Waking up to the Undead

I had another Zombie filled night. It was by far not the worst one - I have seen things in the past that have both frightened me and driven me to tears. Last night was just hour after hour of gnawing fear.

I would like to thank those that appeared in my dream, for not dying. Last thing I like to have to deal with is people I care about turning into zombies. Jeff Johnson - though you might mock me in real life about my fear of zombies you were supportive and helped prepare against them. Though after putting a hatchet in your shin as a kid, and a titanium rod in your thigh as a teenager - the idea of extended bouts of running from the undead probably would not be very appealing.

I am not sure why, but I was an amusement park. People knew the undead horde was coming, some of them anyways, yet still they played on. The park itself seemed to have themed sections for a southwest "western" prairie with a mountainous area to walk in. There was a bayou area inexplicably next to the Polynesian area. And the winter area seemed nice - but was prone to avalanches that wiped people out.

I can't tell you what type of zombie attacked, or how many were taken out. After they first showed up I just kept waking myself up. Every time I tried closing my eyes to sleep they were there again. Sure - dream about zombies it is just a movie with a play and pause function. Try to dream about being super-powered, winning a major political race or a three- I guess I can stop there. You get the picture.

So, I got around two and a half hours of sleep. I am tired, and I have a wall to patch up today. Trip to a dinosaur show, the Science Museum and grocery shopping. Sounds like I will be pretty tired today.

I really Hope Zombies Can't Swim

I really hope Zombies can't swim. Seriously. Do you know how difficult it would be to stop the undead hordes if Zombies could swim? Probably just a shade below impossible, and would seriously restrict locations people could call safe havens. This would of course rely on the fact that aquatic animals would not eat them, or their water logged flesh would soak up water and they would sink into the dark depths of the ocean. There, their decomposed forms would be crushed into a wet mass of undead mush.

As long as a location can be successfully cut off or easily monitored it can remain a safe location. Even if standing water is removed as a barrier, there still remains rushing water, mountains, fire and sheer cliffs. Each of these can create hazards that the undead would be heavily challenged by. I mean, if you could build near one, having a constant flow of magma from a volcano would be a pretty impressive barrier. Granted - being that close to a volcano may not be the best location for long term survival. Volcano's tend to be a tad bit temper-mental in even the best circumstances.

Part of the difficult in preparing a zombie free zone that one can live in comfortably is the basic idea that as Zombies have become more common in media - their myths have changed. Initially zombies only sought out brains - but after a decade or two their palates grew into a general hunger for human flesh. After their hunger changed, then they began to change into more fearsome beasts. Now they can run, climb and turn into relatively powerful monkey-like creatures to terrify humanity. I have to assume these myths changed because of the American culture itself. How could a zombification disease spread in a country that has more than one gun for every single man, woman and child within its borders? Making Zombies more powerful makes that possible.

However this expansion of the genre has its drawbacks. The original zombie idea was an embodiment of a slow progressing rot, a slow death through overwhelming odds. The fear of the slow inevitable end of your life as you are faced with your mortality from those that are already passed on. That is an incredibly different fear than "Holy crap that rage-beast is going to try and gnaw my limbs off".

One theory on the development of Fears is that for some people they are manifestations of other incremental problems in their life. these fears are the way that the mind takes a single object or theme and puts all those different pieces into a single larger one. While this doesn't work for all cases, with some analysis of what a fear entails a person can reasonably figure out why someone is afraid of something.

I am aware enough of my fear, and who I am as a person to understand a large portion of my fear of zombies, and how it is different from other fears. I can see the path my mind followed to create the fear, and why at this point in my life, this manifestations of my fear is so powerful for me. It warrants a close inspection from anyone with any level of fear, as to why and how that fear came to be a part of you. Like it or not, that fear probably has a good reason to be there.

Zombie Preparation Kit

I always enjoy finding other Zombie apocalypse plans, or being sent lists of items that everyone should have in case of a Zombification event. To be entirely frank - I have a pretty in depth list as it is - I even had to develop a way of processing new items as they get brought up to see where they lie in order of importance. Let's face it now - some things are just more important for long term zombie attack survival than others. Holly Madison is pretty far down on the list - sorry her fake boobs, insured or not, won't make life any easier when people start eating each other.

Today's list is actually from last week - CNN Money created a list of items (and their cost - as if money is important with undead running around) that everyone should consider having in the event of a zombie level event. Perhaps I should make that another acronym - ZLE.

1. Ghost 400 Crossbow - I will be honest, there is a special place in my heart for crossbows. This is the medieval equivalent of armor piercing bullets. While arrows always had a better range and are very deadly - crossbows are the cudgels of long range weapons. They don't just pierce - they SLAM into their target at the minimum taking the wind out of them. While the review says aim for the head - most likely you will remove the entire head when you hit - solving that pesky biting once they are down problem. Oh - and the ammunition is re-usable (if you feel the need to retrieve your shots that is)

2. Husqvarna Chainsaw - Chainsaw's were made popular by two things = Evil Dead and the Doom series (if you haven't ever found the chainsaw in Doom you haven't really ever played it). While I commend any destructive weapon - chainsaws are noisy and messy - splattering blood and gore that will most likely infect yourself and your peers - reducing the numbers of non-undead.

3. Orchid Samurai Sword - Swords - while not the optimum weapon of choice due to their range, they are the most dependable. No one has ever said they have run out of ammunition while using a sword. Swords do not jam, they operate in the cold, the heat, under water..... pretty much if you can move the sword works. I have few already myself.

4. Anti-Riot Helmet - Any sort of armor that is light and effective is a bonus in my book. The downside to this model is that the neck is open for biting. If it doesn't have a coif - it is not going to help as much as it should.

5. Anti-Riot Armor - I pretty much have to repeat my last statement. I love armor - and this stuff looks great. Two deficiencies in this design though. First, no neck protection (coifs were invented for a reason people) and even more bizarre in this case - why does this thing not have gloves included?

6. Skull-faced mask - This is screaming "Shoot me as well!" I get the whole intimidation factor for the living, but this is for the undead - the only thing this does is make you a target.

7. Night Vision goggles - This is a pretty good idea. If you can find a few pair, it never hurts to have them once night falls. Darkness has always been the ally of the undead - for some reason rotting eye tissues have excellent night vision capabilities. While I call bullshit on that - it doesn't hurt to have the upper hand with your body armor to also have better vision than the undead hunting you.

It is a limited list - but a list none-the-less. I just have to wonder how much money was plugged into CNN Money for placing these items and their manufacturers. Either way - all of these items will be more useful than Holly Madison. Unless of course you intend to use her as bait (which is a honest waste).