Waking up to the Undead

I had another Zombie filled night. It was by far not the worst one - I have seen things in the past that have both frightened me and driven me to tears. Last night was just hour after hour of gnawing fear.

I would like to thank those that appeared in my dream, for not dying. Last thing I like to have to deal with is people I care about turning into zombies. Jeff Johnson - though you might mock me in real life about my fear of zombies you were supportive and helped prepare against them. Though after putting a hatchet in your shin as a kid, and a titanium rod in your thigh as a teenager - the idea of extended bouts of running from the undead probably would not be very appealing.

I am not sure why, but I was an amusement park. People knew the undead horde was coming, some of them anyways, yet still they played on. The park itself seemed to have themed sections for a southwest "western" prairie with a mountainous area to walk in. There was a bayou area inexplicably next to the Polynesian area. And the winter area seemed nice - but was prone to avalanches that wiped people out.

I can't tell you what type of zombie attacked, or how many were taken out. After they first showed up I just kept waking myself up. Every time I tried closing my eyes to sleep they were there again. Sure - dream about zombies it is just a movie with a play and pause function. Try to dream about being super-powered, winning a major political race or a three- I guess I can stop there. You get the picture.

So, I got around two and a half hours of sleep. I am tired, and I have a wall to patch up today. Trip to a dinosaur show, the Science Museum and grocery shopping. Sounds like I will be pretty tired today.

World War Z

I went to go see a movie the week before last, a silly film of no real consequence (or quality for that matter) and I was greeted by a World War Z preview. Now, my fiance who does not keep up with movies as much as I do (though my knowledge is still pretty lacking at times) had no clue what was coming up when I suddenly covered my eyes, plugged by ears and starting humming.

I knew the moments Brad Pitt showed up on screen stuck in a traffic jam in a city, with his family - that this did not bode well. First, I only knew of one Brad Pitt film coming up. Second - they were stuck in a traffic jam - one of the most inopportune moments for a Zombie strike to occur. Maybe I should write up a ZBA analysis of Traffics jams in the future. Anyways - I am trying to hum through this preview and of course, since it is a movie theater I cannot drown out the sounds of the film. I am just thankful there were a minimum of screams from people becoming lunch.

Some people have taken to trying to disprove Zombies as of late - which is somewhat disturbing. I don't see why you would have to spend time talking about how something is impossible if it really was. Additionally - there are existing parasitic viruses that would actually make a zombie disease quite possible. Truth be told there are parasites that will take control of an animal and direct it to do things that help it spread.

One of the more entertaining episodes of Fringe covers this well. There is a virus that infects a man, and the team is trying to figure out how the virus spreads because it seems to only attempt to spread at certain times. Come to find out, the virus is semi-sentient in a way because the virus takes advantage of its host's senses and understands when there are new people to infect. Once it has a larger group to infect, the virus will turn its host into a virus spewing biological weapon thus expanding its reach. It doesn't become contagious based on time or development - but on proximity to other carriers. Now that is a pretty vicious bug.

Back to the movie - that my fiance wants me to see. I am not going to see the movie - I don't think I want to have a heart attack, especially since a majority of films adopt the "jumping out as a method to scare" tactic. I like higher quality terror, jumping out at you doesn't scare you - it proves that your reflexes work. anyone who doesn't jump has PTSD or is a likely candidate for extended nerve damage. I prefer quality slow, gnawing terrors that come up inside your mind and leave you feeling horrified and questioning every shadow.

Come to think of it, that is kind of how my Zombie fear works isn't it?

I really Hope Zombies Can't Swim

I really hope Zombies can't swim. Seriously. Do you know how difficult it would be to stop the undead hordes if Zombies could swim? Probably just a shade below impossible, and would seriously restrict locations people could call safe havens. This would of course rely on the fact that aquatic animals would not eat them, or their water logged flesh would soak up water and they would sink into the dark depths of the ocean. There, their decomposed forms would be crushed into a wet mass of undead mush.

As long as a location can be successfully cut off or easily monitored it can remain a safe location. Even if standing water is removed as a barrier, there still remains rushing water, mountains, fire and sheer cliffs. Each of these can create hazards that the undead would be heavily challenged by. I mean, if you could build near one, having a constant flow of magma from a volcano would be a pretty impressive barrier. Granted - being that close to a volcano may not be the best location for long term survival. Volcano's tend to be a tad bit temper-mental in even the best circumstances.

Part of the difficult in preparing a zombie free zone that one can live in comfortably is the basic idea that as Zombies have become more common in media - their myths have changed. Initially zombies only sought out brains - but after a decade or two their palates grew into a general hunger for human flesh. After their hunger changed, then they began to change into more fearsome beasts. Now they can run, climb and turn into relatively powerful monkey-like creatures to terrify humanity. I have to assume these myths changed because of the American culture itself. How could a zombification disease spread in a country that has more than one gun for every single man, woman and child within its borders? Making Zombies more powerful makes that possible.

However this expansion of the genre has its drawbacks. The original zombie idea was an embodiment of a slow progressing rot, a slow death through overwhelming odds. The fear of the slow inevitable end of your life as you are faced with your mortality from those that are already passed on. That is an incredibly different fear than "Holy crap that rage-beast is going to try and gnaw my limbs off".

One theory on the development of Fears is that for some people they are manifestations of other incremental problems in their life. these fears are the way that the mind takes a single object or theme and puts all those different pieces into a single larger one. While this doesn't work for all cases, with some analysis of what a fear entails a person can reasonably figure out why someone is afraid of something.

I am aware enough of my fear, and who I am as a person to understand a large portion of my fear of zombies, and how it is different from other fears. I can see the path my mind followed to create the fear, and why at this point in my life, this manifestations of my fear is so powerful for me. It warrants a close inspection from anyone with any level of fear, as to why and how that fear came to be a part of you. Like it or not, that fear probably has a good reason to be there.

Science of Zombies

Son of a B-. No, I won't swear at that level in the blog, but I sure as hell did say it out loud when I read and watched the video about the science that could create an actual zombie-like event. Located on Mashable, this article discusses the ability of a virus to meet the qualifications necessary to create a zombie horde.

You see, nature is a mean spirited destroyer of all things - just as much as she can create some amazing wonders. No one should ever forget that that same person who creates the awesome beauty of things like this image at right:








Also create terrible things like this:

That is an image of Hurricane Sandy from space as it envelopes a majority of the Eastern Seaboard. Like I said - Mother Nature is not all sunshine and honeybees. 

Imagine my displeasure to hear that she allows for viruses to take over human brain function. I don't think anyone can ignore the fact that Rabies is a disease that acts like this. It is a mean spirited bug intent on death and to spread itself to new victims. Why do you think Rabies causes aggressive behavior and salivation in animals? Aggression makes the animal use its main weapon - biting, and salivation is a method to spread itself - since Rabies is passed through fluids. 

It doesn't take much of a stretch to get to unending hunger and other loss of mental control. The video explains that all it takes is a virus specifically targeting those parts of the brain. The terrible part of it as well - is that the virus could easily enter via a sense of smell. The damn olfactory nerves lead directly to the part of the brain that handles these sorts of things. 

Damn Nature. Now I have to worry about things I may smell. This planet is flipping crazy!

Terminal Defense Position: The Channel Islands

Since my last entry discussed some of the concerns a Zombie-apocalypse survivor needs to keep in mind when selecting a location, I decide I should start picking some out that I think would make for interesting analyses. Lets face it, after playing a few rounds with the game "Plague Inc." almost anyone would want to find a nice secluded spot to live when the Zombies come. Or in this case - the vastly over-powered mutating sentient disease intent on wiping out humanity.

One can only hope that Plague Inc. gives me a free copy of the app for plugging them here (please? I need to scare myself more often?)

Anyways, my location for today's analysis is going to be the Channel Island off the California coast. Here is a map in case you are unsure where they are. that city in the top right corner of the Map is the Ventura/Oxnard region just outside of Los Angeles. This location will include the caveat that I have not spent any time on the islands - I have only looked longingly at them from the coast when I spend time in Ventura. This location speaks to me on a number of different wavelengths, so lets look at each of the areas of concern and how this location stacks up.

Limited Approach
These islands are nice in that they are close to shore, but out of range of most swimmers. The first small island is almost 20 miles off shore - I know I can't swim that far as of today. (Note to self, begin swimming training for endurance) The island each have few locations that you can just get onto the island - their coasts are rocky - this will help provide less area to patrol and keep possibly infected people off-shore under quarantine. Can't beat that. However - this place is within an hour travel of the metropolitan area of Los Angeles. The city proper has almost 3.9 million residents, and the Metro area is closing in on 20 million inhabitants making it one of the largest city centers on the planet. Score: 8/10

Length of Stay before Re-Supply
This one is tricky. If you have time to prep the location - which you cannot in this case because I guess people get angry if you modify a national park- these locations can be very long-term inhabitable. Fishing is ample around the islands, and there seems to be enough rain to keep the place green most of the year, however this island is along the dividing line of the California heat and the more common cooler rainier climate of the northern half of the state. With the right seed crops in addition to local wildlife, and a way to store large amounts of water, this island could be a great place to spend your time. Also, though you can't see it on the smaller map above - directly north of the eastern peninsula of the island are active oil derricks. That's right - you have a pre-tapped supply of oil - if you know how to not blow yourself up operating an oil derrick. Score: 10/10

Supplies
This location could be self-sustaining if properly managed - however a fair amount of technical expertise is needed. Who here can farm? How much needs to be planted to feed a single/multiple persons? Who can operate an oil derrick? Can you fish without a fancy pole or net? Also, the previous blog entry mentioned that whole "Tons and tons of explosives" that would be dropped to stop the advance of the Zombie horde. Does anyone reading this that the military would think twice about nuking an LA with Zombie Justin Beiber eating his fans? Hell. No. (a Google image search was too revolting to include here.) I wouldn't stop myself. So this location could be partly irradiated, and any supplied you would have tried scavenging while fighting off the millions of undead in LA will be a melted pile of slag. Your only hope is that the mountains shielded Ventura and Oxnard - lots of hippies with Solar panels, and marina's with nice boats. Score: 6/10

Available Skill Sets
This one will take some planning. Good news is that California has Rocket scientists - so no shortage of mad-scientist types can be found near the Channel Islands - they do Rocket testing there. Additionally, the Naval Engineers (Sea Bees) are located at the naval base at Point Mugu - on the south side of Oxnard. Make that another notch for very well armed construction and trade skills. In fact - if you can't make a pretty hospitable location work when you have both rockets scientists and a full armed construction force you are really going to have to reconsider your plan of action for the apocalypse.  Score: 11/10

Final Score
Because of the relative ease of sustaining this area, and the availability of both farm and technical skill sets, but its proximity to a major ZBA - I would give the Channel Islands a total score of 35/40. This location could sustain a group of people for an extended period of time, in relative ease with its moderate climate conditions, proximity to technical and physical resources and a more secure location than most people can find on land. Well done California, well done.

Terminal Defensive Positions

I am pretty sure my family has been involved, in some form or another, in most every major conflict in the last 1000 years of Western European history. No - I can't confirm all of that - that is the beauty of "anecdotal" history. Needless to say though, of all the generations currently alive - all of them have served in the military. At least one member of the family has found their way into the defense of the country we call home. Part of the reason this matters to me - is because all of us are obsessed with tactics and strategy. My love of strategy also bleeds over into my fear of the undead.

In the past I have written about my need to know the escape routes of places I am at, or think of how I can turn said locations into an easily defensible position. This is important to me - in some part of my mind I need to know what sort of defensive strategy I should have in place for where I am at a given moment. Handy? not most of the time, but it is in that one in a million time when that sort of information needs to be understood. 

This entry will discuss the importance of Terminal Defense Positions. These are locations that have a few required ratings that a person should take into consideration, to determine how long you should stay there, and what sort of places really are the best places to escape to in case of zombie outbreak.

1. Limited Approach. How limited are the access points for the undead to reach you. Are you trying to hide in a green house? (That is an Epic Fail by the way) Are you just hanging out in your basement/attic? (Another possible group of FAIL) Are you using one of these?

Yes, that is one freaking epic-ally hard to approach fortress (Built in Yemen according to the Google Image search that found it). While this limited approach appears, well, pretty awesome, it does suggest utter failure in the next category.

2. Length of Stay before Re-Supply. While that Yemeni fortress above is a great place to draw a proverbial "line in the sand", it probably doesn't have a natural spring of fresh water inside of it. That rock looks pretty dry. Probably doesn't have access to fuel - either wood, oil, gas, or anything else. While it would be perfect for a solar installation (power for the place and shade for you is a good idea) lugging solar panels around in the apocalypse is not going to be an option here.

3. Supplies. How difficult is it to manage long-term in that location. Can you supply yourself food, fresh water, and fuel supplies? Materials to rebuild equipment that breaks? I do not consider non-replenishing scavenging here. The idea that you can "scavenge forever" is faulty - and fails to take in the assumption that there are million of tons of high-grade explosives and nuclear weapons that will be used in a Zombie Apocalypse. 

That whole "you need two keys and some magic codes from that briefcase by the president..." goes out the window really fast when a rural base commander see a nearby town overrun with undead coming at his soldiers, and he gets a technician to jury rig an override to that fancy trigger gizmo inside of it. Nuclear weapons need two things - fissionable materials and a really big *bang* surrounding it to get it to become unstable. every other part is just to help or control the reaction when it prepares to go off. Urban centers will be ravaged by fires, nuclear and traditional explosions and the thousands of people living in that town that panic and strip the place bare before you get to it. Scavenging will not be a good fall back plan. 

4. Available Skill Set. Some people are more valuable than others to save - sorry Geek Squad. Unless you can toss together a Tesla Coil or any other technical feasible device other than an Ipod we don't need you. I will not have to worry about my IP Address in the Apocalypse. Civil engineers, Contractors, Electricians, Pipe Fitters, Masons... Hell with it - just find every tradesmen you can tie up and toss in whatever vehicle you have around. Ignore doctors, get the Nurse Practitioners first - they do a lot of the real work anyways. 

This is a perfect time to be friends with a Union Representative because chances are he knows some of the best in these trades. Please don't discuss Union vs. non-Union here - Unions are more connected typically than non union and we need that knowledge fast. You don't have time to take applications and do background checks.

Additionally, it is handy to know that crazy, food hoarding gun enthusiast down the street - that I assume you made sure to invite to every fun event at your home you could get away with over the past few years. If he is hoarding Twinkies you don't have to be his friend - we want the people that are hoarding raw grains and salts for curing the meat they hunt or fish themselves. That family - strange as you may think they are, will have what you need. You better have been helping them out otherwise they might just shoot you on sight.

These four values should be used to evaluate any location that you want to sit down in and ride out the hoard of undead wiping out all those people you didn't really like anyways. Next week - we will begin going over locations that are best suited for a long term survival of you and your family (or people you saved instead of your horrible, horrible, insane family that were the first to be turned).  

Bad news - California is actually, AGAIN, one of the best places to be for this sort of event - if you can avoid the initial problem of that state having more undead than any other on the continent. Goddamn hippies did that on purpose didn't they?

Zombies Details

One of the most fascinating aspects of my personal fear, are the minor details that can determine whether or not I freak out. Instead of being a broad brush, like a general fear of guns - and it won't matter what type of gun, my fear is much more finicky. While I do know a large amount of Psychological theory as it pertains to personality - I know strikingly little about the dynamics of how fears develop and mature in ones psyche.

I know it sounds strange, but my fear is only triggered by a few specific sets of characteristics that if they are not in the correct alignment I am not as afraid. You see my fiance pointed this out to me just a few weeks ago, I am not afraid of the rabid humans from "I am Legend", when by all obvious accounts I should be. In fact, the level of virulence is so very high in that film that it is almost unbelievable. The people mutated by the virus still ate everyone else, they still destroyed humanity in almost it's entirety. I am not sure what it is about this that helps me to watch the film - though I admit I am still nervous about the virulence of the disease. In fact, I am more worried about the virus than I am the rage-filled mutants eating and killing everyone.

Let's take another example - Skeletons. by all accounts, if my fear of the undead was a blanket "they should be dead but are not" than my fear should also cover skeletons. However this is not the case, I am actually quite fine with them running around as an army bent on terrorizing the local village. Hell, I even have my best friend from high school to credit with an incredibly useful trap for aquatically inclined heroes in D&D and other role playing games.

No, my fear really is about a very specific set of things that must be in place for zombies to terrorize me. Virus - yes. Eating people - yes. Stumbling rotting flesh bent on mindless consumption that is society - yes.

I am not sure I will ever figure out what specifically qualifies a specific thing to become terrifying, but I am sure it is in there somewhere. I guess as the saying goes - the devil is in the details. 

Zombie Preparation Kit

I always enjoy finding other Zombie apocalypse plans, or being sent lists of items that everyone should have in case of a Zombification event. To be entirely frank - I have a pretty in depth list as it is - I even had to develop a way of processing new items as they get brought up to see where they lie in order of importance. Let's face it now - some things are just more important for long term zombie attack survival than others. Holly Madison is pretty far down on the list - sorry her fake boobs, insured or not, won't make life any easier when people start eating each other.

Today's list is actually from last week - CNN Money created a list of items (and their cost - as if money is important with undead running around) that everyone should consider having in the event of a zombie level event. Perhaps I should make that another acronym - ZLE.

1. Ghost 400 Crossbow - I will be honest, there is a special place in my heart for crossbows. This is the medieval equivalent of armor piercing bullets. While arrows always had a better range and are very deadly - crossbows are the cudgels of long range weapons. They don't just pierce - they SLAM into their target at the minimum taking the wind out of them. While the review says aim for the head - most likely you will remove the entire head when you hit - solving that pesky biting once they are down problem. Oh - and the ammunition is re-usable (if you feel the need to retrieve your shots that is)

2. Husqvarna Chainsaw - Chainsaw's were made popular by two things = Evil Dead and the Doom series (if you haven't ever found the chainsaw in Doom you haven't really ever played it). While I commend any destructive weapon - chainsaws are noisy and messy - splattering blood and gore that will most likely infect yourself and your peers - reducing the numbers of non-undead.

3. Orchid Samurai Sword - Swords - while not the optimum weapon of choice due to their range, they are the most dependable. No one has ever said they have run out of ammunition while using a sword. Swords do not jam, they operate in the cold, the heat, under water..... pretty much if you can move the sword works. I have few already myself.

4. Anti-Riot Helmet - Any sort of armor that is light and effective is a bonus in my book. The downside to this model is that the neck is open for biting. If it doesn't have a coif - it is not going to help as much as it should.

5. Anti-Riot Armor - I pretty much have to repeat my last statement. I love armor - and this stuff looks great. Two deficiencies in this design though. First, no neck protection (coifs were invented for a reason people) and even more bizarre in this case - why does this thing not have gloves included?

6. Skull-faced mask - This is screaming "Shoot me as well!" I get the whole intimidation factor for the living, but this is for the undead - the only thing this does is make you a target.

7. Night Vision goggles - This is a pretty good idea. If you can find a few pair, it never hurts to have them once night falls. Darkness has always been the ally of the undead - for some reason rotting eye tissues have excellent night vision capabilities. While I call bullshit on that - it doesn't hurt to have the upper hand with your body armor to also have better vision than the undead hunting you.

It is a limited list - but a list none-the-less. I just have to wonder how much money was plugged into CNN Money for placing these items and their manufacturers. Either way - all of these items will be more useful than Holly Madison. Unless of course you intend to use her as bait (which is a honest waste).

Once again, Into the Zombification Disease....

I want to thank ars technica for breaking this horrifying story. Once again - a zombification disease is in the news. This time it strikes Gypsy moths - who climb to the top of a tree and wait to be turned into a liquid (from the disease) so it can infect even more once rain comes and washes it down onto other caterpillars.

This disease is just as crazy as the ant zombie disease - except it has the added function of liquification. I don't know about you - but I don't want to become a puddle of myself. The caterpillars don't even have the decency to have zombie hunting squads to control the spread of the disease like the ants do. At least ants recognize a problem when they see it!

I guess I can add options to what happens once infected with a zombie virus - you melt like the wicked witch from Wizard of Oz - or you go and eat your family. What amazing choices.

Disease Transit

One of the worst things about zombie flicks these days - is the spread of the disease typically causing the problem. I say "worst" simply because I don't like zombies, usually they take a simple fluid to fluid transmission system and let the biting, gnawing, scratching and other unpleasantness begin. This is probably my least favorite part.

I think if a zombie disease were to really break out - it would probably have a similar spreading mechanism to the modern flu. After watching the movie "Contagion" this weekend, my distaste for touching things grew tenfold. The disease was transmitted through touch - that alone was enough to move the virus around. The horrible part of this (aside from the idiotic teenagers laughing at death) is that it is the most likely mode of transmission that would probably develop. Airborne pathogens (thankfully) I believe enjoy great frailty due to their "airy" nature. Let us hope that I am not too wrong in that understanding (I heard it somewhere trustworthy I hope) But disease that can move through touch - well those apparently can be quite tough.

Someone grabs an object hours after an infected person does - and BLAMMO! Undeadification occurs. (I should probably copyright that word - undeadification has a nice ring to it). How frustrating to think you won't even be able to touch anything - even your own clothes - without fear that right there could be a few tiny microbes ready to turn you into the next human-deconstruction device. I was told that the movie "Carriers" actually kept this in mind for the disease that breaks out killing humanity. It would be days before a surface was safe to touch even if disinfected.

I should get back in the habit of writing this - I am starting to think I should just write my zombie novel and get it out of my mind - before it gets turned into a larger books series like my fantasy line has.