Waking up to the Undead

I had another Zombie filled night. It was by far not the worst one - I have seen things in the past that have both frightened me and driven me to tears. Last night was just hour after hour of gnawing fear.

I would like to thank those that appeared in my dream, for not dying. Last thing I like to have to deal with is people I care about turning into zombies. Jeff Johnson - though you might mock me in real life about my fear of zombies you were supportive and helped prepare against them. Though after putting a hatchet in your shin as a kid, and a titanium rod in your thigh as a teenager - the idea of extended bouts of running from the undead probably would not be very appealing.

I am not sure why, but I was an amusement park. People knew the undead horde was coming, some of them anyways, yet still they played on. The park itself seemed to have themed sections for a southwest "western" prairie with a mountainous area to walk in. There was a bayou area inexplicably next to the Polynesian area. And the winter area seemed nice - but was prone to avalanches that wiped people out.

I can't tell you what type of zombie attacked, or how many were taken out. After they first showed up I just kept waking myself up. Every time I tried closing my eyes to sleep they were there again. Sure - dream about zombies it is just a movie with a play and pause function. Try to dream about being super-powered, winning a major political race or a three- I guess I can stop there. You get the picture.

So, I got around two and a half hours of sleep. I am tired, and I have a wall to patch up today. Trip to a dinosaur show, the Science Museum and grocery shopping. Sounds like I will be pretty tired today.

Disneyland: Zombie Deathtrap

I am heading to Disneyland. My family and I LOVE Disney. It is not the perfect organization, but we know the in & outs of the parks and tend to enjoy the films. Wall-E is MY movie, not the kids. Hell, I enjoy picking apart the "Why Disney was horrible" lists. Believe it or not, a majority of the issues can be solved by better vacation planning and knowing what you are getting yourself into. That being said......

Disneyland is a Deathtrap in a Zombie attack. This is a pure ZBA zone. Tightly packed and ridiculously slow moving - humans are turned into cattle. How many times have I gotten stuck behind a slow moving pack of tourists blocking entire pathways (meant to allow 15 to 20 people walking side by side)? I can't count that high. Thankfully the other half and I are adept and intimidating these slow mover out of the way, and finding gaps large enough to pass through.

This reminds me to bring up a warning to said slow moving shamblers - In a zombie outbreak I just have to be faster than you are. Second note. I already am faster so enjoy the horde coming behind me.

I try not to be too paranoid about Zombies, but for anyone who has waited in line for the Rodger Rabbit Ride - understand the fear that dark shadow and strange noises can bring. That is one creepy kids ride. Typically Zombies based on disease will find that Amusement parks are probably some of the greatest places to strike. While they can't make a choice to go there more than any other - the combination of limited escape paths, crowded conditions, and screams and loud noises already being common create a disaster scenario. The crowd will take time to have the warning filter through. Even longer will be the tossing away of disbelief. Most won't believe it until the zombie horde reaches them. At that point - they don't have many options for escape.

Strangely enough, Two locations appear to be safer than the others - Tom Sawyer's Island (since it is surrounded by water) and Toontown - Since it has a full separating gate. Additionally, these are two of the further points from the entrance of the park, so they will have the longest warning of any point. Of the two locations - Toontown actually could survive awhile since there are basic refreshments available. However there are dozens of back-access points for Toontown - each one is a possible breach point for the horde of now undead vacationers massing at the gates. I would rate this one as having potential - but being much riskier.

Tom Sawyers Island, surrounded by a narrow moat, has a number of spots you can hide in, and if the Zombies are unable to swim (cross your fingers) you can make quick rush's for supplies at the Hungry Bear restaurant across the water. While you will get wet on the way there - Hungry Bear's is right on the water front, and is next door to the damn Canoe rental. Coming back with supplies is MUCH easier if you have a method to transport it. Brush up on your canoe skills prior to attempting this trip. Zombies may try to attack you in the water. Just pray they cannot.

However through all of this, I try to maintain my sanity. I will survive and continue to write this. As I walk the park I may just be spending my time calculating how fast I can get to Tom Sawyers Island - at least it is near my favorite Restaurants in the French Quarter. Thank god for that....

Terminal Defense Position: Vardo

Been awhile since I covered a Terminal Defense Position, but with the absurdity of the location I found on Google Maps yesterday just calls for one. The islands of Vardoya, or the town of Vardo, Norway.

Limited Approach
I guess this location should be called - "Not much farther North is possible" given its extreme location. This is probably a location that will be reserved for Norwegian and Swedish refugees of the Zombie take over of the world. It is seriously out of consideration for 95% of the global population. This pair of islands are actually just off the East Coast of one of Norway's most northern territories. Aside from a boat in the presumably rough waters of the Artic, the only other option to reach the island is a single tunnel. As far as proximity to humanity goes - this place will probably survive with its population intact. You probably even have some allies that can help you to survive. These people are pretty much all there is for miles (or Kilometers as they would say). That, and the Gulf Current keeps this place relatively mild, considering how far north this location is. In this regard - they score an easy 10/10.

Supplies
This one is a bit tricky. Vardo is beyond the Artic Tree line so you won't be growing any trees for fuel - it also puts building supplies at a premium. A survivor here would have to be careful that they didn't abuse their limited resources. An advantage this location has, is the proximity to the Norwegian Oil and Gas fields. While that means you will want to be careful when you go out exploring - it means that you should have a large supply of fuel to use to stay warm. In addition to the oil and gas fields - this is also a major fishery. If you don't like fish, you will soon learn to appreciate it because that is about all you will have to eat if the globe is overrun by zombies. While this location has some benefits for resources for food and fuel - it is a limited location in other major areas of necessity. 6.5/10

Available Skill Sets

This is a bit more limited than other locations - since this is not a major city, nor is it relatively close to an area filled with highly skilled labor. What this place does have is survival skills, and a ridiculously stubborn toughness that should probably be incredibly helpful in a fight. For goodness sake these people live above the Artic Tree Line! A "hot" day is in the 50's (F). That being said, while your stay will not be luxurious in any sense - you will survive, and eventually prosper. Hell - they actually have fortifications on the Island which could be useful in a pinch. 7/10

Overall Scored
This location scores well on in areas that determine true survival, but it is a really distant location. While there may not be many ZBA's nearby, anyone wanting to get here to this location could be facing some pretty extensive journeys through what would become "wild" lands with some of the harshest and most beautiful terrain the world has to offer. However, it is at the exact end of a highway that flows through the entire continent of Europe which helps with navigation and travel. Resupply will eventually need to occur for lumber and other supplies, but at least you will have a safe base to retreat to. This location gets a 30/40.

Last Night Was Hell

I don't know how the rest of you spent your night, but mine was spent in utter hell. Pure, unfettered, putrid, horrifying hell.

No, I did spend my night stuck watching Star Trek V or videos of Jar-Jar Binks. I had a night of one long

continuing nightmare about zombies. Hour after painful hour, of undead mayhem.

When these nights occur - which are thankfully few and far between, my mind gets stuck in a groove. I will enter a dream sequence that I know is a dream - but I am so afraid of zombies it overpowers my ability to Lucid dream. What I can do, is wake myself up. So my night is spent in the dream world running in terror, sometimes dying, mostly waiting with apprehension and discomfort wondering why this dream won't stop.

How often do we have dreams we want to continue that just won't? No one can say they have not woken up and yearned to go back and finish what their dream had going on for them. Does it work? Hardly ever! Your mind is a jerk who snatches away that joyous endeavor like a bully steals your lunch money.

On an aside - having grown up poor and generally getting free lunch - I have no idea what it is like to have my lunch money stolen. Poverty for the win! ....Shit...

Getting back to my main topic here - my mental torture. So I spend these nights balancing between two bad situations. If I stay away I will be even more exhausted the next day. I risk having a migraine all day, being unable to drive safely, or not being able to enjoy my day because I am spending it rubbing my eyes and trying not to cry at the knots in my back. If I go back to sleep unknown horrors await me. I have been eaten,  chased and trapped with the grim horde battering their way in. I have witnessed thousands attacked and turned by the undead. No seriously - thousands of people. Many times they are people I care about - or their arch-type.

The struggle goes on and on. Fall asleep - maybe it will be different. Wake up because it was no different. Feel so very tired. Let myself close my eyes - yup - more undead there. Open my eyes... You get the idea. It is like being bombarded with your greatest fear both awake and asleep.

That is what is even more horrible about it. Because I get so tired after a night of this - my brain finds it harder and harder to separate the reality from the dream. Even more so when the dream world uses real world places I know to torture me. I wake up and I begin to fear going back to sleep. Every little noise is a zombie sneaking towards trying to eat me or my family. You know how much I freak out knowing my daughter would have to face that? It makes me want to install those awesome steel window covers from "I am Legend". Not sure how one we even get those - it must be a custom iron working job.

So yes, today I am tired, I am exhausted, and I am left with another night of tortured dreams filled with undead attacks. I can only hope that the paranoia that is left behind is not too debilitating today and I can not freak out at every sound that happens to occur near me.

I am Almost Free....

...of trailers for World War Z. Frankly, I cannot be more excited for this movie to be in theaters so I can move on with my movie watching. It is getting more and more annoying trying to watch movies without this playing.

Look, I like movies, and I love movie trailers, but having Zombie jump out at me every time I try to go out and enjoy myself is just, well, frustrating. I am glad that this movie has been made - because what I know of the book is all good - in a literary sense. While the movie speeds up the infection spread incredibly I think that this film may turn out to be pretty good for those who go see it. I will not be seeing it - I frankly don't think I could survive seeing it sober. And to drink to be able to sit through it - well I don't know if there is enough scotch I could sneak into the theater to make that possible.

I know this is all me, and it is my problem. You just have not felt the apprehension and the tension my body experience with a zombie film. I have written about how I couldn't make it through Zombieland - and that is not an exaggeration. my heart raise and blood pressure increased to a point I could feel it in my hands and feet. I was in full-animal-fear-response mode. You can't fake that sort of response. Even as my fiance urges me to confront the fear and see the movie with her I will be unable to do so. I don't think my heart is strong enough to handle two hours of near heart attack level of pressure. If it could - I would probably run a marathon afterwards.

So all of you out there heading out to see the movie - I wish you the best of evenings, but please - leave me out of it so I can enjoy the rest of my movies this summer.

Hyperactive Agency Detection

I know, another wonderful entry that revolves around, dare I say it, science explaining fear. specifically in my case, a fear of Zombies. I was inspired earlier today by web comic artist Maki Naro of Sci-ence.org. Specifically his comic on "Things that go Bump in the Night". Yes Maki, I plugged you. Deal with it.

What is the Hyperactive Agency Detection? (also known as HADD in some circles) According to wikipedia and a short google search into it - it is a part of the brain that give humans the capacity (and propensity) to assume that some unknown noise or movement is a specific acting agent. Example - you see a shadow and think someone is after you. Believe it or not - it can be mathematically shown to be more valuable for our brains to keep this biological instinct than to let it go away. Case in point: ancient man assuming a Sabertooth is behind a bush and being wrong is a lot safer than not assuming a dangerous animal is there and being eaten. The guy/gal that was paranoid lives while the hopelessly-safe-feeling idiot is lunch.

Why should I include this in a blog about zombies? For this part of the brain to actually affect human behavior, it has to activate a fear inside the mind. One that will shock and terrify and really grab the attention of the poor soul having the reaction. I make it no secret to those who know me that I have very few fears - I am concerned about certain things, but real active fears are very small for me. I have been through a lot of hells - physically, emotionally - all of it. I have looked on the face of evil and have been tempered by it in some ways.

More simply put - my mind has to seek out the best way of scaring me to react and zombies happen to be it. They are a fear that circumvents all of my knowledge, personal strength, and capacity to rely on others in any form - they call into question my capacity to survive unlike anything else out there. Demons? Dragons? Robbers? Some super-villain?  I am not that concerned - I create this stuff for fun inside my mind. Sadly, my brain has created my zombie fear in order to maintain the ability to spook me into acting safer. Of course it sucks that when I am out at night I am watching for the start of the zombie horde, any staggering individual is gauged for optimum response while avoiding being scratched or bitten or breathed on. This is the price I pay, in some ways, to stay sane.

And that - is just a fascinatingly crazy fact about the human mind. Sometimes crazy helps it maintain a grip on reality.