Disneyland: Zombie Deathtrap

I am heading to Disneyland. My family and I LOVE Disney. It is not the perfect organization, but we know the in & outs of the parks and tend to enjoy the films. Wall-E is MY movie, not the kids. Hell, I enjoy picking apart the "Why Disney was horrible" lists. Believe it or not, a majority of the issues can be solved by better vacation planning and knowing what you are getting yourself into. That being said......

Disneyland is a Deathtrap in a Zombie attack. This is a pure ZBA zone. Tightly packed and ridiculously slow moving - humans are turned into cattle. How many times have I gotten stuck behind a slow moving pack of tourists blocking entire pathways (meant to allow 15 to 20 people walking side by side)? I can't count that high. Thankfully the other half and I are adept and intimidating these slow mover out of the way, and finding gaps large enough to pass through.

This reminds me to bring up a warning to said slow moving shamblers - In a zombie outbreak I just have to be faster than you are. Second note. I already am faster so enjoy the horde coming behind me.

I try not to be too paranoid about Zombies, but for anyone who has waited in line for the Rodger Rabbit Ride - understand the fear that dark shadow and strange noises can bring. That is one creepy kids ride. Typically Zombies based on disease will find that Amusement parks are probably some of the greatest places to strike. While they can't make a choice to go there more than any other - the combination of limited escape paths, crowded conditions, and screams and loud noises already being common create a disaster scenario. The crowd will take time to have the warning filter through. Even longer will be the tossing away of disbelief. Most won't believe it until the zombie horde reaches them. At that point - they don't have many options for escape.

Strangely enough, Two locations appear to be safer than the others - Tom Sawyer's Island (since it is surrounded by water) and Toontown - Since it has a full separating gate. Additionally, these are two of the further points from the entrance of the park, so they will have the longest warning of any point. Of the two locations - Toontown actually could survive awhile since there are basic refreshments available. However there are dozens of back-access points for Toontown - each one is a possible breach point for the horde of now undead vacationers massing at the gates. I would rate this one as having potential - but being much riskier.

Tom Sawyers Island, surrounded by a narrow moat, has a number of spots you can hide in, and if the Zombies are unable to swim (cross your fingers) you can make quick rush's for supplies at the Hungry Bear restaurant across the water. While you will get wet on the way there - Hungry Bear's is right on the water front, and is next door to the damn Canoe rental. Coming back with supplies is MUCH easier if you have a method to transport it. Brush up on your canoe skills prior to attempting this trip. Zombies may try to attack you in the water. Just pray they cannot.

However through all of this, I try to maintain my sanity. I will survive and continue to write this. As I walk the park I may just be spending my time calculating how fast I can get to Tom Sawyers Island - at least it is near my favorite Restaurants in the French Quarter. Thank god for that....

Terminal Defense Position: Vardo

Been awhile since I covered a Terminal Defense Position, but with the absurdity of the location I found on Google Maps yesterday just calls for one. The islands of Vardoya, or the town of Vardo, Norway.

Limited Approach
I guess this location should be called - "Not much farther North is possible" given its extreme location. This is probably a location that will be reserved for Norwegian and Swedish refugees of the Zombie take over of the world. It is seriously out of consideration for 95% of the global population. This pair of islands are actually just off the East Coast of one of Norway's most northern territories. Aside from a boat in the presumably rough waters of the Artic, the only other option to reach the island is a single tunnel. As far as proximity to humanity goes - this place will probably survive with its population intact. You probably even have some allies that can help you to survive. These people are pretty much all there is for miles (or Kilometers as they would say). That, and the Gulf Current keeps this place relatively mild, considering how far north this location is. In this regard - they score an easy 10/10.

Supplies
This one is a bit tricky. Vardo is beyond the Artic Tree line so you won't be growing any trees for fuel - it also puts building supplies at a premium. A survivor here would have to be careful that they didn't abuse their limited resources. An advantage this location has, is the proximity to the Norwegian Oil and Gas fields. While that means you will want to be careful when you go out exploring - it means that you should have a large supply of fuel to use to stay warm. In addition to the oil and gas fields - this is also a major fishery. If you don't like fish, you will soon learn to appreciate it because that is about all you will have to eat if the globe is overrun by zombies. While this location has some benefits for resources for food and fuel - it is a limited location in other major areas of necessity. 6.5/10

Available Skill Sets

This is a bit more limited than other locations - since this is not a major city, nor is it relatively close to an area filled with highly skilled labor. What this place does have is survival skills, and a ridiculously stubborn toughness that should probably be incredibly helpful in a fight. For goodness sake these people live above the Artic Tree Line! A "hot" day is in the 50's (F). That being said, while your stay will not be luxurious in any sense - you will survive, and eventually prosper. Hell - they actually have fortifications on the Island which could be useful in a pinch. 7/10

Overall Scored
This location scores well on in areas that determine true survival, but it is a really distant location. While there may not be many ZBA's nearby, anyone wanting to get here to this location could be facing some pretty extensive journeys through what would become "wild" lands with some of the harshest and most beautiful terrain the world has to offer. However, it is at the exact end of a highway that flows through the entire continent of Europe which helps with navigation and travel. Resupply will eventually need to occur for lumber and other supplies, but at least you will have a safe base to retreat to. This location gets a 30/40.

World War Z

I went to go see a movie the week before last, a silly film of no real consequence (or quality for that matter) and I was greeted by a World War Z preview. Now, my fiance who does not keep up with movies as much as I do (though my knowledge is still pretty lacking at times) had no clue what was coming up when I suddenly covered my eyes, plugged by ears and starting humming.

I knew the moments Brad Pitt showed up on screen stuck in a traffic jam in a city, with his family - that this did not bode well. First, I only knew of one Brad Pitt film coming up. Second - they were stuck in a traffic jam - one of the most inopportune moments for a Zombie strike to occur. Maybe I should write up a ZBA analysis of Traffics jams in the future. Anyways - I am trying to hum through this preview and of course, since it is a movie theater I cannot drown out the sounds of the film. I am just thankful there were a minimum of screams from people becoming lunch.

Some people have taken to trying to disprove Zombies as of late - which is somewhat disturbing. I don't see why you would have to spend time talking about how something is impossible if it really was. Additionally - there are existing parasitic viruses that would actually make a zombie disease quite possible. Truth be told there are parasites that will take control of an animal and direct it to do things that help it spread.

One of the more entertaining episodes of Fringe covers this well. There is a virus that infects a man, and the team is trying to figure out how the virus spreads because it seems to only attempt to spread at certain times. Come to find out, the virus is semi-sentient in a way because the virus takes advantage of its host's senses and understands when there are new people to infect. Once it has a larger group to infect, the virus will turn its host into a virus spewing biological weapon thus expanding its reach. It doesn't become contagious based on time or development - but on proximity to other carriers. Now that is a pretty vicious bug.

Back to the movie - that my fiance wants me to see. I am not going to see the movie - I don't think I want to have a heart attack, especially since a majority of films adopt the "jumping out as a method to scare" tactic. I like higher quality terror, jumping out at you doesn't scare you - it proves that your reflexes work. anyone who doesn't jump has PTSD or is a likely candidate for extended nerve damage. I prefer quality slow, gnawing terrors that come up inside your mind and leave you feeling horrified and questioning every shadow.

Come to think of it, that is kind of how my Zombie fear works isn't it?

The Coming of the "Z"

I love movie previews, I admit it - I am one of those weirdos that will watch a movie preview repeatedly until I have memorized the lines (or my 2 year old daughter has memorized the Dwarven hymn from the hobbit preview). It is one of the reasons I show up early to movies - I like seeing the previews. I even enjoy some of the ones found on movies once you buy them and bring them home (not for the same movie) but I will grow tired of them then. 

However, this year I get to wait in fear - of the World War Z preview. I hear it is great - and I intend to miss it as much as I am possibly able to. I am prone to covering my eyes, plugging my ears and humming while zombie previews play in the theater. I will skip over Walking Dead commercials on TV. I will not be a part of it. I simply try to avoid any Zombie input I possibly can to save myself from the Trauma of having my mind take Zombie-ism and run with it. 

My significant other is already trying to convince me to see the movie - I am adamantly opposed. Any of her friends reading this - please go with her to see the movie. there was supposedly even a new zombie love story coming out - no I won't see that either. I don't care if it is a funny undead film, I can't watch it. Many of you should remember the blog entry where I wrote that I barely made it a few scenes into Zombieland. Which brings me to a solid point to any wold-be con artists of the undead destroyed world: If you tell me you were bitten and are infected I won't take time to hem and haw about what comes next. You get ten seconds and then I leave or take care of business. Talk about a con-artist backfire.

As an example, I could not even handle the Marvel: Zombie! comic series. I tried reading part of one in the book store last year. By the time I was a few pages in I could feel my blood pressure rising and my fears kicking in. For crying out loud - how the HELL could my brain be so loopy that I am worried about The Hulk being a zombie? *sigh*

Anyways, My holiday season, while I try to get all the movies I want to see (Hitchcock, Flight, Skyfall, The Hobbit...), now gets the added bonus of having to hid from zombie flicks. Maybe I will get lucky and will just get movies that don't have the previews containing the undead, I will hope for that. If not - I will just look forward to being more skittish than ever.

PS: Movie theaters - Worst place ever for a zombie refuge. Qualifies as a ZBA.

Disease Transit

One of the worst things about zombie flicks these days - is the spread of the disease typically causing the problem. I say "worst" simply because I don't like zombies, usually they take a simple fluid to fluid transmission system and let the biting, gnawing, scratching and other unpleasantness begin. This is probably my least favorite part.

I think if a zombie disease were to really break out - it would probably have a similar spreading mechanism to the modern flu. After watching the movie "Contagion" this weekend, my distaste for touching things grew tenfold. The disease was transmitted through touch - that alone was enough to move the virus around. The horrible part of this (aside from the idiotic teenagers laughing at death) is that it is the most likely mode of transmission that would probably develop. Airborne pathogens (thankfully) I believe enjoy great frailty due to their "airy" nature. Let us hope that I am not too wrong in that understanding (I heard it somewhere trustworthy I hope) But disease that can move through touch - well those apparently can be quite tough.

Someone grabs an object hours after an infected person does - and BLAMMO! Undeadification occurs. (I should probably copyright that word - undeadification has a nice ring to it). How frustrating to think you won't even be able to touch anything - even your own clothes - without fear that right there could be a few tiny microbes ready to turn you into the next human-deconstruction device. I was told that the movie "Carriers" actually kept this in mind for the disease that breaks out killing humanity. It would be days before a surface was safe to touch even if disinfected.

I should get back in the habit of writing this - I am starting to think I should just write my zombie novel and get it out of my mind - before it gets turned into a larger books series like my fantasy line has.