Showing posts with label gardening. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gardening. Show all posts

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Once again, Into the Zombification Disease....

I want to thank ars technica for breaking this horrifying story. Once again - a zombification disease is in the news. This time it strikes Gypsy moths - who climb to the top of a tree and wait to be turned into a liquid (from the disease) so it can infect even more once rain comes and washes it down onto other caterpillars.

This disease is just as crazy as the ant zombie disease - except it has the added function of liquification. I don't know about you - but I don't want to become a puddle of myself. The caterpillars don't even have the decency to have zombie hunting squads to control the spread of the disease like the ants do. At least ants recognize a problem when they see it!

I guess I can add options to what happens once infected with a zombie virus - you melt like the wicked witch from Wizard of Oz - or you go and eat your family. What amazing choices.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Dear Home Owner on the Hill

Dear Home owner on the hill,

I like your hours and its extremely defensible location, easy access to fields for growing food, and the ability to be reached in relatively little time in the event of a zombie apocalypse. Please understand I will only show up if the zombies are coming, no sooner. Just please be aware of the following concerns to save us both time and trouble.

1. I will keep you alive, and your family alive, until you are infected. If this happens I am "evicting" you, not the other way around.
2. Please keep a backhoe and pile driver parked behind your home. This, coupled with steel pylons, steel sheets and cement and mortar works will be part of my defensive position plans. I know you can pay for them so please do.
3. Email me where your water supply is, so I can secure it. I don't want to fight the undead for a drink.
4. There is no fourth request.
5. Please start your marksmanship practice now, I don't want to waste ammo training you after the fact.

Thank you for these considerations, I look forward to never having to meet you or and build a barricade around your home.

Signed Most Honorably,
Me.


I was hiking today and found one of the most perfect retreat positions in the event of a zombie apocalypse. Its on the high ground in the mountains north of Santa Barbara, and I wish I knew who lived there (or how long their driveway is because it is SERIOUSLY up there).


This house is so absurdly placed that I fell in love with it almost immediately. That, and on top of the damn house (though the picture doesn't quite show it) is a 360 degree observation floor. Windows facing outward from every face WELL ABOVE THE HOUSE! It is like they knew it themselves that they needed a snipers nest for taking out zombies before they got close. Also, in the event of a massive earthquake, it is not near an edge so landslides are unlikely, and may I say in the image below - Tsunami who?


For flipping Jehovah's sake - what else could I ask for? Well I could ask for the channel island preserve (yes I do consider it an option for my safe haven) given its close proximity to food sources, distance to shore, and its easy access to active oil wells. My only concern is getting trapped on the very island I am trying to secure for myself. In either case, I have another spot I can put on my list.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Silence of Being Alone

Last night I was sent out on errands by the other half after we were all home. So, taking my daughter I left and gave her, my other half, some time alone in the apartment. When I returned with errand items in tow, she commented on how strange it was to have the apartment so quiet. I explained to her that the silence she experienced could also be maddening.

I spend a large portion of my time alone. If not in reality than at least emotionally. Living alone at these times all I have is the silence to keep me company. To be honest, silence is a jerk to have for company. Its creepy, over bearing and it makes you depressed. My apartment building is so quiet I don't even get the occasional fights in the unit next door, the rhythmic slamming of a couple "bonding" next door, or even kids running amok causing a racket. It is no wonder that I am driven to high levels of paranoia after a few days home alone.

Most of my days are silent and start out with this morning fog. No, this is not a picture of anywhere near me - I am using a picture from Ontario. In either case, waking up each day to this, having not heard a single person in sometimes 48 hours - well anyone would be worried about where the hell everyone was. Zombies could be just beyond the mists, finishing up the last of humanity except for me. Do I want to go wandering out into the nothingness to find out - no, that is stupid. Fog dissipates, wait for it to clear.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Sustainability in the Post-Apocolypse

We all want to survive. I mean, unless I have some suicidal members of society reading this today, pretty much all of us want to make it to the ripe old age of (insert some large number here) and die in our sleep peacefully. The question is what you do to maintain your survival in the event of a catastrophic Zombie attack.

I just don't think many people understand how ridiculously inter-connected our world is these days. You take out one peg and it all falls apart. Redundancy has not been good business, and much of our country has been left to its own devices without worthwhile civil construction projects. Did you know that our power grid was last up to date in the 1970's? Without human intervention we lose electricity in about eight to ten hours. How sad is that? Water systems are similarly ancient, with some cities still using water pipes installed in the early 20th century. And you wonder why so many water mains break in the winter New York City? Now you know.

Now that you know these are going to be problems, what are you going to do about it? How will you provide food, water and defensible shelter with a bunch of Zombies running amok (or shambling depending on their incarnation)? I think, dear readers, you should focus first on shelter and water. Water almost always draws life of some type or another, be it animal or plant. Hence why a concern for water may trump all the other concerns. Just remember one important fact about sources of water if you do not control the entire system - Nature likes to put sharks in the ocean and alligators/crocodiles in the water. It is that nasty thing she does with evolution, the fittest survive. If you are drawn to water, that which eats you will be drawn to water as well.

So - once you have a water system you can keep contained and defend easily (micro-water treatment - yes please!) your next concern is finding some way to have a stable dependable food source. Also - this is a point where science class and the few nerds you thought ahead to save from that college campus overrun with undead (please tell me you saved every nerd not already dead?).

Farming and growing food leads to two obvious options, each with their own problems. Number one, open field growing of whatever food you can stomach eating day in and day out for the next few decades. And the second is high-tech indoor hydroponics. First lets cover that open field scenario.

Field food crops are a pretty easy thing to run, so long as you understand your food won't look grocery store fresh. You will have to fight for your food against mother natures most numerous organisms - insects. With everyone dead or undead and obviously the number of people depleted to minimal levels, that whole "buying land" thing goes out the window. Its all free! So long as you can maintain it, it is as good as yours. There are some downsides to this though. Growing enough food to support yourself and possibly a few others takes a sizable chunk of healthy soil. Soil you hope does not have any weird stuff in it from the military trying to kill the zombie horde (you know; that whole nuke thing?) Also, Zombies may not bother to eat your fresh corn, but have you ever wandered a field of corn where the plant is a foot taller than you are? It is a bonefide ZAA - Zombie Ambush Area. Not pleasant trying to get dinner and becoming dinner. Just like that damn watering hole with the crocodile - #$^$^ nature!

The second option is a hydroponics setup. Here is where the nerds come in handy, quite literally worth their weight in food or gold, whichever you think is more important. Hydroponics can be maintained in sealed structures. Underground with artificial lighting or above ground using natural light - this is science meeting gardening. You can easily find articles online about how much bigger the fruit is, the vegetables grow healthier... blah blah blah. Basically it is contained and can be placed anywhere you are, no matter the climate or time of year. Here come the downsides. You have to put up with the nerd or group of nerds you saved from before - unless you have the time to monitor a very technical set of computer systems that are in turn running a complicated balance of water and nutrient cycles and all the amazing machinery that goes with it WHILE fighting off the zombies that wander in from time to time. If you do, no problem - except for keeping electricity and your heating running. Oh, and you have to have an internally controlled water system. Going to get buckets of water from the damn watering-death-flipping-trap-hole in the ground just is not going to cut it. And guys and gals - that whole line of "Not if you were the last person on Earth...." line goes out the window after awhile. Humans are animals after all.

Now, while each option has some pro's and cons to it, just remember that it is your choice for how to survive. Myself I know my choice, but yours may be different. Just make sure you know which way you want to go first - saves you some time fixing your mistakes (and trying to find nerds for the hydroponics once you are already left them for dead).