The Great State of Washington: Defensible Locations

Ah yes, defensible locations. One of my favorite subjects, and quite frankly one of the most important subjects people should ever have on their mind. Is this place defensible? Can I survive here? Will Michael Jackson's Thriller really make the dead dance in perfect rhythm? Thankfully I can answer all of these questions pretty regularly.

The reason why Washington is on my list tonight is due to a very strange, but thankful, quirk in the whole Zombie mythos - zombies can't swim. I am greatly thankful for this (and I am sure somewhere a Sci-Fi staff writer is making a case for "Water Zombies" for their next bad movie) as it makes more locations defensible than others. With other fantasy creatures you have more logistic concerns. Skeletons being some of the worst undead to deal with since they can do pretty much everything they want (except blink and tan I guess). A ship full of skeletons? A VERY dangerous thing that. A ship full of zombies? Only dangerous if you are stupid enough to get on board with them.

Anyways, Washington. The northwest portion of the state, as I found through my google map wanderings, is a veritable treasure trove of mild-climate islands and peninsula. Granted, I mean mild climate not because it isn't cold, but because you are not completely snowed in. That and I am sure that bears can make short work of pesky Zombies wandering in the woods. But having a few hundred acres of livable land and access to fresh water directly from the sky a majority of the year is a pretty sweet deal. All you have to do is hold a line that could be as little as a mile wide and you have a perfect bottle neck to defend from.

Also, would be champions of undead-killing, remember to make sure you are on the correct side of the bottle-neck. nothing I hate worse than someone setting up perimeter at  the bottle neck. Before any of your stupid friends start digging their trenches (or building barricades which is smarter with an enemy intent on eating you) make sure they understand that they want their opponent to come through the bottle-neck, not sit in front of it.

In either case, Washington earns today's award for defensibility. Anyone have any other suggestions I should evaluate?

Fear of Cuddling

One of the things I hate about fearing zombies is that it makes me also fear being close to loved ones. I mean physically close to them. There are many different things to fear, but some can be feared more than most on a paranoid day.

By far one of the worst side-effects of a more paranoid day, is the fear of cuddling. Whoa, hold on - a fear of cuddling you ask? Yes, because it basically puts you into the most indefensible position you can possibly ever be in. What better to become infected than to be cuddling with someone infected with a zombifying disease when they "turn" zombie.

Never before has the gentle nuzzling of a loved one into your neck evoked more delusion panic than when you have to wonder - will they bite me sometime in the night? Will this fun movie night turn into a nightmare?

Stop looking at me with that face, it is an irrational fear for a reason - because it is bothersome and strange in all its quirkiness.But once the zombies come, don't expect me to be handing out hugs - arms length saves lives.

The Silence of Being Alone

Last night I was sent out on errands by the other half after we were all home. So, taking my daughter I left and gave her, my other half, some time alone in the apartment. When I returned with errand items in tow, she commented on how strange it was to have the apartment so quiet. I explained to her that the silence she experienced could also be maddening.

I spend a large portion of my time alone. If not in reality than at least emotionally. Living alone at these times all I have is the silence to keep me company. To be honest, silence is a jerk to have for company. Its creepy, over bearing and it makes you depressed. My apartment building is so quiet I don't even get the occasional fights in the unit next door, the rhythmic slamming of a couple "bonding" next door, or even kids running amok causing a racket. It is no wonder that I am driven to high levels of paranoia after a few days home alone.

Most of my days are silent and start out with this morning fog. No, this is not a picture of anywhere near me - I am using a picture from Ontario. In either case, waking up each day to this, having not heard a single person in sometimes 48 hours - well anyone would be worried about where the hell everyone was. Zombies could be just beyond the mists, finishing up the last of humanity except for me. Do I want to go wandering out into the nothingness to find out - no, that is stupid. Fog dissipates, wait for it to clear.

Infectious Nature of Fear

There is a grim reality that people around me must face after they make fun of my Zombie Fear; the reality that they may themselves begin to share in my fear. I won't reveal the names of the people around me that have felt this way, but readers you should all know that fear is contagious.

When we see the rational intelligent people in our lives so terrified by something, it is human nature to begin to wonder if they may not have a point. In my case some have had nightmares and even moments of fearful clarity as they watched someone shamble around in the night - and they have that quiet voice of unreasonable fear pop into their heads. The thought sticks with them, digging its claws into their mind.

For those of you who will begin to fear so much - its okay, its human to have new fears.

Aliens vs Zombies

I have finally gotten around to watching the Aliens movies. The alien species itself is quite strange to me, given the fact their parasitic growth cycle is just as dependent on killing humans as Zombies are infecting people. While watching "Aliens" I actually had the thought of "I wonder what an Aliens vs Zombies" movie would turn out like. Can aliens be zombi-fied? Do aliens prefer raw fresh flesh, or if it is still moving they will try to use the zombies just like humans?

Face huggers are just as bad as any Zombie virus. And the fact they can move around so well and jump out at you has its own level of creepiness to it. Just taking a walk in the park and then BAM! Face hugger downs you. This is very similar to walking through the park, and BAM! Zombie tackles and bites you.

In both cases a few hours from now you will be dead (or undead) and release a creature that is deadly to others, either the parasite from the alien or you become a zombie.

Would full grown aliens kidnap zombies for hosting the baby aliens from the face huggers? I guess it is a question of how fresh they need the meat to be. Humans are just cattle in this case. Is this like selecting between Long horn or dairy cow?

In either case I can make it through Aliens, not so much a zombie movie.

The Weapon of Choice: The Belt-Fed Shotgun

I have been thinking about an earlier blog I wrote about weaponry and how to choose your weapon to defend yourself with. Ever since I half-heartedly mentioned the idea of a belt-fed shotgun, I have not been able to get it out of my head. It was an idea of whim - something silly to be tossed on to the page. Now here I sit thinking of how such a contraption could work.

I am not a gun smith, and frankly it is probably one skill my family does not have. We can do a lot of things, but making guns I don't think is among them. Perhaps I could ask my father. One of my "fond" memories of him is from my last visit years ago. It was my last morning before I had to return home, and I find him in the garage making a grenade. It is not that I am afraid of explosives, quite the opposite. It is the absurdity that walking around in the workshops of my family you are likely to find any number of strange projects.

In any case, belt-fed shotgun. Shotguns filled with 00 buckshot are extremely deadly at close range. You don't have to aim particularly well and a cone of death spreads out from you. The problem is the reloading. Shotguns can have two, five, or eight shells in them before you are stuck putting a new shell in for each shot you want to have. The reloading process is one of the most easily interrupted as well. Single placement of cartridges is an additional spot for a mistake.

With a belt feed into the side of the mechanism, you can reduce the error of shaky hands in a combat situation. You fire, ratchet, and you are ready to go again. As long as you don't have things grabbing at you at close range (branches or undead) the belt can be kept clear and untangled on anything else. A shotgun with 100 or more rounds of fire, now that is a gun I want to see. Slug or 00 or even incendiary rounds are a winning combination.

The Quiet Morning

I am a morning person. I enjoy being awake long before the sun comes up, before people begin to clamor about and bring noise to the world. The silence and emptiness is both soothing and terrifying for  me.

I have enjoyed mornings here near the coast, with the beauty of fog clouding my vision out of the window of my apartment. The hill north of town with the homes I wish I could afford to buy sits beyond the white mists - but no one could say what its fate is at that point. As much as the fog gives the world a clean pristine mystery, it also holds the hidden dangers of what is within.

Some morning the silence is deafening. The crunch of gravel along the roads a thunderous clash, and my feet the cymbals of the heavens cast upon the earth. Any zombies could hear that. As strange as it may seem - I have not seen a zombie infestation that affeccts hearing. It seems that zombification affects sight, smell, strength and touch - but never hearing? Whoever dreams of zombies must be music lovers - god forbid they lose the ability to enjoy music while they are eating people.

I think those musical bastards must have it out for the rest of us. People with sensitively sharp ears as well - they created zombies to silence the world. I can see it now, a super-villain being asked.

"Why are you doing this? Why destroy the world?"

"Because everyone is too damn loud and I am trying to compose a symphony!"

<<Start Zombification>>

Damn people with sensitive ears. I wonder what I could create to get back at them? Other than my idea for a belt fed combat shotgun, Without that, I am at a loss.