Sunday, May 29, 2011

The Terror of Disney Attractions

What is with Disneyland building dark corridors of doom into every attraction they can? I think it may be remnants of the pre-building code era but a lot of the attractions have some pretty tricky dark corridors in them. Cinderella's Castle - darkness abounds! Toon town - seems like every building there is designed for cave dwellers.

With my zombie fear running rampant because I could not figure out how to adequately blockade any specific point for a defensive position, I had to resort to trying to figure out why Disney has such dark passages.

Perhaps they really do have an army of dwarves and they are responsible for the construction. The steps are never all that big, and how many times did you hear the 7 Dwarves talk about keeping their caves up to code? There are dozens of infractions the moment you see them hard at work. One must wonder if they even own the land they are mining or if they have a permit for the work in the caves.

In either case, very few places in Disney are good defensive positions. I think the Worlds Fair pavilion might be a good one, but that is only because you can set the thing to turn, up the acceleration on it and turn the outer wall into a spinning wall of death.

That is a great idea! Use the rotating Pavilion as your secured location. I wonder how well it would hold up over time. Hmm.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011


Zombies love family - that is they like to exploit our love of close family in order to eat or infect us. It is a simple truth of zombie existence - not that it is their intent of course. Zombies do not have any intent other than consumption of their human neighbors.

Zombies make terrible neighbors. They are up at all hours, growling, gurgling - and the screams of the passers-by they attack just makes it hard to sleep through the night. I don't know about you, but I would prefer to not have them within a 12,757 kilometer sphere of me. Which if anyone realized - that would be the diameter of the Earth.

In earlier posts I had pictures of the home I would want to have in the event of a zombie apacolypse - what amounted to a square box of cement and steel. Toss a few tesla coils on the top of the thing and I think it would be a great hide-away. except of course the light show when zombies came to visit. Burning bodies do not raise property value.

Through all of this - family has a comforting element to it for all of us. Our family help us create a home, in effect they become where "home" is. This sudden loss that we see our counter parts in zombie films try to protect is understandable - but still stupid. So best bet? Keep your family close by and protected. They are where you need to be.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Gandalf and Zombies?

The blog over at reported to me this fine morning, that Gandalf (aka Sir Ian McKellen) are on board to be part of a victorian era zombie flick. The good news: Can you imagine Gandalf taking down a horde of undead? That would be pretty awesome to watch, but I doubt I would be able to bring myself to watch it. Gandalf or not, zombies still scare the bejsus out of me.

And making it set in victorian era england just makes it that much creepier. Given tales like Sherlock Holmes, Bra Stoker's Dracula, Frankenstein - there is no way to tell if these zombies will be magically brought to life or some mad scientist virus that is released in the age of steam. I can only imagine what will happen, but I won't be there for it.

All I can ask is that other lover of Gandalf cheer him on his he takes down the nasty beasts.

Saturday, May 21, 2011


.....The world didn't end. I haven't taken the time to look up which of the typical excuses will have been used, but I am sure it may have something to do with the calculations being wrong, or the prayers of the faithful saving all of us from damnation. Nothing makes cult followers feel better than being rewarded for their faith.

In other news, it is another creepy morning fog day. Silence in the apartment complex broken only by my keyboard, the mountain view blocked by low level clouds. I always have panic attacks on these days when I am alone. For some reason I feel better with my family tucked away in the next room - perhaps because then I know I won't have to immediately go out and save them from the rambling horde of undead.

Damn, I need a shotgun.

Friday, May 20, 2011

The coming End of the World

So, I hear the world is supposed to end tomorrow. Is anyone else a little excited about the prospect? Now before anyone gets upset, let us look at the benefits of having the end of the world.

1. Once it is over, we can get on with our lives. - I don't have to hear about the Apocalypse ever again!

2. Decreased traffic congestion - fewer people means fewer cars. Imagine rush hour with half as many people!

3. I can finally rule the world - who better to rule a place that will be left in chaos. I can submit my world domination resume to anyone who wants to see it. I got plans, and the knowledge to see them through.

4. Better housing market - lots of empty houses (some pretty nice ones too). And prices will go down.

5. Your choice of bankers and lawyers - We pretty much know that all the bankers and lawyers will be left behind, so with the sheer number of them left needing work, you can use them as cheap labor to fix up that post Apocalypse home! Make them sweat!

Does anyone else have some they want to add?

Thursday, May 19, 2011

CDC Zombie Planning

My fear, hilarious though it can be, is something that many consider a pop-culture icon. A mere traversing of a cultural idea with fears and values tossed into a nice mix - with a dash of undead for flavor for that story to be told. That being said, I always enjoy finding other zombie preparation plans, especially ones from reputable government agencies - like the CDC! The link here is a reposting of the blog post by the CDC. Granted, I am finding flaws in this plan of their (who wants to meet out in the open during a zombie attack?)

In any case, though the preparation kit does not include a shotgun or other weapon (I do NOT count a utility knife as a proper weapon when dealing with a ravenous flesh-eating mob) it does a good job of making sure people keep things in mind for any other emergency.

I mean seriously, not even a gun and ammunition?

Monday, May 16, 2011

Ants: Natures Zombie Hunters

A wonderful bit of news from the world of nature, as a follow up to yesterday's post. If you actually took the time to watch the video I linked to, you would know that the ant colonies in question were very aware of the zombie problem. In fact, they assign attack squads to find the infected and remove them from the colony.

How much more awesome can ants get? I already liked their collective mentality - their organization structure for their success. Now, I know that if zombies do come, I can find giant ants to use as assistants in eradicating the zombie threat. Also, since they know they will do it for the hive - I don't have to bribe them, they will be supportive of the survival of all.

With the industrial capacity of their own insane capacity, ants have found a new reason to be high on my list of creatures of the animal kingdom.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

At Least Death is Punctual

In a previous entry we discussed Zombification parasites. Thanks to my loving better half I now have a great article (with video!) with which to link all of you.

The basic premise of the possibility of zombification in the future is based on the idea that their are just too many vast numbers of possible genetic combinations that can be created - or may have yet to be discovered (by nature hopefully not us). Even the has an idea of why Zombie attacks go utterly and horribly well. It is not like nature needs ANY help what-so-ever in finding new ways to eliminate life. Believe me - she can do it better than any of us can!

That being said, Parasites are horrible, and in the following article and video you can see just why you should never discount the creative ways Mother Nature will try to kill you with. Watch the video in the article, and be afraid, very afraid.

Friday, May 13, 2011 : A Great Way to Find Zombie Fodder

I am signed up for, and all joking aside it can be a valuable resource for meeting people with similar interests.

Now that is out of the way, let us discuss my temptation to toy with the craziness that use this site. Meetup has some rather cracked out people using it. I find these groups as I get notifications their groups have been formed. At random intervals I get sent groups that supposedly match my interests (a very loose connection I should point out).

Today was a group devoting themselves to some modern prophet called Matraiya, and if enough people joined and made it through his "initiation" process and received his blessing, then Christ or some other biblical figure would come back and you get into heaven the rest of the suckers get left behind. Now, after I learned about cults and religion in Sociology during college, I can't help but have a long list of thoughts about how wrong this group is.

1. Initiation involves two things; lots of money if you are a guy, and cash and sexual favors if you are a woman.

2. Just like the Jehovah's witnesses, the date of the apocalypse will continually be moved back because either the group is too small or because their faith has impressed god and he wants them to continue their work. Name one time a cult hasn't believed their leader saying that.

3. Koolaid is a no no.

4. If it is a new group, I could get in on the bottom floor! (Per the wife)

5. I could twist Matraiya to be a zombie hunter. Imagine the power of cults and god driving the masses. A mob of unread vs. A mob living inspired by a cult master.

6. Enjoying the chills of #5.

7. Are their any zombie hunting cults or would I be the first?

8. How does a person place "Zombie Hunter" on a resume. Does that count as a people skill?

In either case, Meetup has a bunch of craziness. while I am tempted to toy with them, I will leave them to their own self destructive mannerisms. Comments are open for best cult ideas.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The Safety of Sesame Street

I have decided that Sesame Street may be a zombie free haven in the event of a zombie apocalypse. What could possibly trigger such an insane thought you might ask? Well, the place is already infested with monsters and mutants. Wit any location this seriously infested with all manner of creatures, do you think Zombies would stand a chance?

Besides, I got money on Bert and Ernie being Zombie Killers- Extra-ordinaires. I mean look at the eyes, the eyes.... Anyone with that sort of insatiable devotion to a rubber duck has a zombie killing streak in them a mile wide. And let us not forget the massive power of the Bert uni-brow. That thing was responsible for a few classified weapons "accidents". Why do you think Bert is living in the city under the close watch of everyone. With that temperament I am sure PTSD has something to do with it.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Zombies in Nature

Recently I had a coworker who had a big laugh over my fear of zombies."you do realize the are not real, right?"   I mean seriously, you have to ask? Right now human zombies are not real, but that does not rule out the possibility for all time. Just because we have light bulbs and the internet does not mean we have always had them.

You could make the case for technology being different from viruses, bacteria and parasites - they are after all living things. Sadly due to evolutionary forces these creatures are in a constant state of flux and growth, giving them a better advancement curve than technology.

There are parasites that can use others as hosts and even control their actions. A species of wasps plants its eggs inside of the ants who eventually lose touch with their hive. With a few generations mother nature could make those parasites larger and more aggressive, or a bacteria or virus could develop the same abilities.

So one day I could have a real fear.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

The Danger of Elevators

I realized today there is a great danger to be had with elevators. These things are probably the worst possible form of travel in the event of a zombie apocalypse. It is like packing yourself in a Vienna sausage can of zombie snacks.

Let's think on this, what other sort of transportation are we so trusting of course and destination? Planes, trains and automobiles we all ask for Windows all around us, but elevators we just hope for the best? I think something is wrong with our thinking. There is no reverse button, and the close button works - ten minutes after you need it too.

To top it off, there is usually no way out. I don't if you have ridden in an elevator recently, but unlike our action star buddies, I don't usually see any magical access hatch to escape through. Dead end, no way out, and its like an elevator delivering to hungry zombies.


Friday, May 6, 2011

Living in Fear: Birthday Presents

Living in Fear: Birthday Presents: "I started off my birthday in a cold terror. I awoke to my alarm clock making low scrambled signal noises. The static was low and broken only..."

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Birthday Presents

I started off my birthday in a cold terror. I awoke to my alarm clock making low scrambled signal noises. The static was low and broken only by occasional interruptions of what may have been voices. The strange thing was that nothing would turn the radio off. The alarm was connected to some sort of broadcast that refused to be ignored.

In frustration, the flashing 12:00 forced me to unplug it to find peace. But it wasn't done with me. I realized a short time later when I tried to plug the alarm in again - the power was out. No electricity.

My apartment occasionally loses power. But this time it was accompanied by sirens in the distance. The pure fear in me realized (incorrectly) that the zombie apocalypse had started, on my birthday of all days.

Thankfully I was wrong, but the start of my day was rather creepy.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Living in Fear: Survival Ratings

Living in Fear: Survival Ratings: "Survivability is key for any individual who finds themselves in the midst of a zombie Apocalypse. Perhaps it is time to develop a sliding-de..."

Survival Ratings

Survivability is key for any individual who finds themselves in the midst of a zombie Apocalypse. Perhaps it is time to develop a sliding-dependency scale to determine the survivability of people in such an event. There would be a number of factors one would have to look at to insure everything was adequately examined.

First, you would have to score them on a single-survivor basis. How well can this person survive on their own - what are their chances to NOT become lunch.

Second, scoring them on a pairing or group survivability basis. Some skills work better when used in conjunction with other skills, so in essence their abilities work better with people around.

Thirdly, the mental stability needs to be examined. Last thing you want is someone who loses their mind just when you need it most. Some minds just do not handle the idea of the Apocalypse well.

So, we can call this the I-G-S-S score. Individual, Group Survivability and Stability score. IGSS, almost sounds cute. Perhaps the next few days I can develop a scoring process for each of the IGSS values. Anyone want to be a test subject?

Monday, May 2, 2011

Living in Fear: Fear and its Purpose

Living in Fear: Fear and its Purpose: "Fear, so I am told, has a purpose. It developed over millennia to give our ancestors pause before they did something risky (or downright stu..."

Fear and its Purpose

Fear, so I am told, has a purpose. It developed over millennia to give our ancestors pause before they did something risky (or downright stupid). I was reminded of this again this weekend watching Star Trek Voyager, with an episode involving fear.

My concern is for when a fear is not operating properly, like a machine that is partially malfunctioning. At what point is a fear hard wired into ones mind and not a product of some social construction.