Thursday, December 29, 2011

Zombies of the New Year

One the thing I think about when I am out in the world – especially in crowds, is how easily the location turns into a ZBA (Zombie Buffet Area for those of you who are newer readers). These zones are veritable deathtraps for the living. It is already dangerous if there is a crowd – but you know I am digressing so let’s create some context.


Put in your mind, an image of Times Square – you know where that big party is held for a crystal ball to fall is located signifying the end of the year and the start of the next one. I have grown less excited for New Years as I have gotten older. I can’t even recall if I stayed up until midnight last year. Maybe it is my concern that being at an event, like the Times Square New Year’s party, is a very uncomfortable situation. How could you even tell a Zombie was coming until it was right on top of you? You wouldn’t hear the shuffling steps, the scraping of old shoes or bone on pavement. You would be happily bounding around watching the lights and confetti and listening to music until the very moment you were pounced on.


Now with that lovely image in your mind – you can imagine that would be only for people on the outskirts of the crowd. People on the inside would only get to experience the joy of being trampled as they began to run in a panic. Chances are they would not even know they were running as a simple basic animal programming code would kick in in the brain. (This is why herds of animals and schools of fish move as a group – If you friends are scared and running away chances are you should as well). It saves processing time in the mind to just go with the running crowd. Of course once you start running you may wonder why.


Once everyone realizes something is up – and it involves flesh eating SOB’s with hygiene issues – everyone immediately runs to their loved ones – including the punks who got infected somehow. Now I love my family – but in ANY situation involving a highly contagious biological agent they are well aware I am putting quarantine protocols in place. Be it mega-flu, zombie-ism or anything else, there will be no running into open arms. This does not mean I love my family any less – it just means I want as many of us to survive as possible.


So yes – New Year’s not so exciting for me, it just leads to some ever more exciting fear incidents.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Headphone Paranoia

I occasionally suffer from a few of using headphones. This is not some new phobia – it is based on the idea that when I use my noise cancelling headphones (that I love oh so much) that I can’t hear much of anything else. I mean, that is the point of noise cancelling headphones – but it scares me that I can’t hear someone or something (or a damn zombie) coming up behind me to take a bite out of me.


So as much as I enjoy my music – it many times comes with a distinct terror that I can’t hear anything coming after me. If I am lucky the zombies are not already in my home, or my office building and I will perhaps hear screams of their first victims over the ramblings of my playlist through music land. At times when I am alone – I pretty much will have to write myself off – or I just listen using one headphone off. That option does make the modern stereo sound system kind of suck since I lose half of the sound.


I guess I will just continue to live with me fear since I can’t really give up my headphone usage – especially at work. That or I will need to develop a solid perimeter alarm system – that shouldn’t be too difficult right?


Thursday, December 8, 2011

Hospitals in the Apocalypse

I had a family emergency yesterday and spent some time in the emergency room. Once the emergency was settled and everyone was waiting to be released, I was left with the zombie thoughts that invade my mind once I calm down. This thought process lead me to think of how I could defend a hospital from a zombie attack.

Quite frankly - a hospital is a flipping crap-shoot when it comes time for an apocalypse (yes my actual thoughts on this are even more expletive filled). Part of my inspiration comes from and its detailed documentary on the dangers (and stupidity) of a zombie apocalypse. Hospitals really have no reason to be considered a safe haven - especially once a bunch of flesh eating bastards are on the loose. Even worse if they start in the building. There are literally five different ways to access every section of the hospital, and the place is a maze. The damn labyrinth of Greek myth is easier to navigate than a hospital.

That is not even getting into the idea of barricading the main doors - that just wont be a viable option given the number of doors and walkways you are dealing with. It is little wonder that a single infected doofus can infect hundreds that then go out and infect the world - and you know the rest of the story.

Maybe that is why sesame street doesn't have a hospital - and I don't recall there being any strange winding hallways that lead back onto themselves. In fact sesame street can be secured with few barricades at all - if you take the maps located here. This only reinforces the idea that Sesame Street is a safe place to be in a zombie apocalypse.