Friday, June 28, 2013

Last Night Was Hell

I don't know how the rest of you spent your night, but mine was spent in utter hell. Pure, unfettered, putrid, horrifying hell.

No, I did spend my night stuck watching Star Trek V or videos of Jar-Jar Binks. I had a night of one long
continuing nightmare about zombies. Hour after painful hour, of undead mayhem.

When these nights occur - which are thankfully few and far between, my mind gets stuck in a groove. I will enter a dream sequence that I know is a dream - but I am so afraid of zombies it overpowers my ability to Lucid dream. What I can do, is wake myself up. So my night is spent in the dream world running in terror, sometimes dying, mostly waiting with apprehension and discomfort wondering why this dream won't stop.

How often do we have dreams we want to continue that just won't? No one can say they have not woken up and yearned to go back and finish what their dream had going on for them. Does it work? Hardly ever! Your mind is a jerk who snatches away that joyous endeavor like a bully steals your lunch money.

On an aside - having grown up poor and generally getting free lunch - I have no idea what it is like to have my lunch money stolen. Poverty for the win! ....Shit...

Getting back to my main topic here - my mental torture. So I spend these nights balancing between two bad situations. If I stay away I will be even more exhausted the next day. I risk having a migraine all day, being unable to drive safely, or not being able to enjoy my day because I am spending it rubbing my eyes and trying not to cry at the knots in my back. If I go back to sleep unknown horrors await me. I have been eaten,  chased and trapped with the grim horde battering their way in. I have witnessed thousands attacked and turned by the undead. No seriously - thousands of people. Many times they are people I care about - or their arch-type.

The struggle goes on and on. Fall asleep - maybe it will be different. Wake up because it was no different. Feel so very tired. Let myself close my eyes - yup - more undead there. Open my eyes... You get the idea. It is like being bombarded with your greatest fear both awake and asleep.

That is what is even more horrible about it. Because I get so tired after a night of this - my brain finds it harder and harder to separate the reality from the dream. Even more so when the dream world uses real world places I know to torture me. I wake up and I begin to fear going back to sleep. Every little noise is a zombie sneaking towards trying to eat me or my family. You know how much I freak out knowing my daughter would have to face that? It makes me want to install those awesome steel window covers from "I am Legend". Not sure how one we even get those - it must be a custom iron working job.

So yes, today I am tired, I am exhausted, and I am left with another night of tortured dreams filled with undead attacks. I can only hope that the paranoia that is left behind is not too debilitating today and I can not freak out at every sound that happens to occur near me.

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